ZEBRA PRINTS, TIGER PAWS

Just a Thought

2008-07-23T20:37:00.000-07:00

I am so depressed- for not having photoshop in my notebook. Oh nooo.

I'll be back to blogging as soon as I change my layout- which will take a long time. :) Peace!

Head to the dorm!

2008-06-24T06:56:00.000-07:00

As I first stepped into this unknown place, I felt lonely. It was like kindergarten all over again. I was wearing an unsure smile as I passed each unfamiliar face. I found myself in a sea of strangers with a language I know nothing about. It was then that I realized, I am indeed, growing up. I had to stay strong no matter what. It was different from home. But unlike kindergarten, I had to budget my allowance, no food awaited me after-class, no disney channel, no barkadas, no gmall, no ate amy, no labandera.

These past few days, I learned to wake up early, sleep early, survive without tv, socialize-and I find this difficult. Maybe because I have been in the same place for thirteen years, without difficulty finding any company. It was sad to think that I am not as strong as I thought I were. I feel paranoid, hurt.

I often think of my life back in Davao. I was the carefree highschool kid, who got reprimanded by a teacher for being talkative, who ate choco mucho or siopao during recess, who had friends, who laughed out loud. If I hadn't left, will I stay the same? I may never know, but I sure hope that the decision I made was for the best.

I miss my Davao life, the clean water, my friends. No one could ever replace them. Every photo in my wallet reminds me of the good 'old' times, every funny tablecloth reminds me of my school and what it taught me, every margarita reminds me of my friends:), everything reminds me of home. No, I can't just sit in a corner and cry, because this is not kindergarten anymore. This is my new home.

** I learned to play diff. card games. Haha.
** I met different people with different personalities.
** I have to smile every morning even if I don’t want to.
** It has been weeks since I last ate McDo or KFC. I MISS IT BADLY:( heehee.
** Upperclassmen here are nice, they try to bond with us.
** I learned to be INDEPENDENT.:)
** PPS: makasunggo ang MATH17- everyday ga-dugo akong ilong. I hate math na. BOOO!

More than just great Pancakes

2008-05-05T05:27:00.000-07:00

I found myself indulging to one of its delectable dish, the chocolate chip waffle. It was breakfast. What could be better than having your breakfast at the Pancake House? :)

I remembered one of my colleagues telling me its humble beginnings. Indeed, it was one of the most inspiring stories I have ever heard. The pancake tycoon, whose business sells like pancakes-no puns intended, was a hardworking mother.

Back in the 90's, Mary had to sell pancakes by the street. She had been doing this since her husband had left her and she had no money to send her three kids to school. She was willing to do anything to earn money. She starts her Pancake business at six in the morning, and end it at seven in the evening.

Thankful to God that she had enough for her kids' tuition fee, she always end the day starving. She would give her share of dinner to her three kids.

One day, her eldest daughter did not come home. She had only received a letter.

Ma, I am sorry I could not come home. Ma, I am sorry... I am pregnant. Don't worry, Ma, my boyfriend says he'll take full responsibility. His family is rich enough to support me and my baby. I'll come home some time soon...

Her mother was shocked. She was disappointed, as any mother would feel. She replied to her letter, but didn't know where to send it.

Years came and the eldest daughter had not come home yet. The rest of Mary's children had their own families and found a way to contact their sister. Mary was on her deathbed. Her only wish was to send the letter to her eldest daughter, that wrote:

Dearest daughter,
I know that you are ashamed of me, not introducing me to the father of your daughter, not letting me join the PTA's, not bringing your friends in our little house. I am sorry that you have a mother who makes a living by selling pancakes in the street. I am sorry that I cannot give you all the things that you want. But through every pancake that I sell, I think about you and your future. There's is nothing more important to me than your future. My job is not as noble as a doctor or an engineer, but it has done the same thing. It has provided you with food, shelter and clothes. I love you.
Your mother

The daughter received the letter. She had regrets, but she knows that she can't undo the past. With her husband, she decided to build a bistro honoring her mother's bestselling pancakes. Nowadays, it made it's way to being the most reputable pancake utopia in the Philippines. Behind the pancakes and waffles, lies a great story of a loving mother.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY:)

Note: This is simply fictional. :) I'm glad I'm writing again, eventhough it's not that good.:)

Confessions of a Bipolar

2008-05-02T04:51:00.000-07:00

No, there's no need for you to read this. No, there's nothing to be afraid of. In fact, I was not diagnosed with Bipolar-what-you-call-it. It's not even serious and maybe, I am just living a normal teenage love-hate life.

Can you keep a secret? I am binging on food. Yes, I binge eat but I don't throw it up. I do this because food makes me feel secure. I have been indulging sweets and other whatsits since I experienced my biggest failure.

See, I have two sides. Sometimes I get happy, giddy and free. I make the most out of life knowing that I am the Queen of the world and no one can stop me. But then, when I look back, I feel this inevitable pain in me. I feel so insecure that sometimes, I wished for my own death. I would do such things to myself and I would cry out for every stupid thing I did. I kept on asking myself if I was good enough for my family, my friends. I turn into an ugly monster. It's like I was squeezed and pressured to get into this little box.

Yes, a classmate may have jokingly suggested it to me. Yes, I may have become paranoid when I knew this 'disease'. Yes, I may believe every little thing others say about me. Yes, I know that I should not get it to me, choking me like a toxic, but I know for sure that I am judged by what I do, and that through every judgement, I find myself.

I guess everyone has two sides. Happy-sad, angel-devil, superior-inferior. It's part of our system. Though, a bipolar could've exaggerated the- say, 'sad' part?

Being a (pretend) Bipolar has taught me a lot. It has taught me that one's ego is controlled by one's self.

Go Loco in Iloilo

2008-04-24T05:41:00.000-07:00

It was my first time to be in a place that I was never familiar with. It was early morning and we had to rush to the airport since we took the first flight. CebuPac (and all other airlines) didn't offer direct Davao-to-Iloilo flight so we had to take the Davao-Cebu-Iloilo flight. It was tiring since I was not used to a jet-set life, though I want to. Among the first people to greet me was the womanguard. She had talked to me in Ilonggo politely, yet I couldn't help but laugh. How rude of me. I had to slap my face for that. Inside my mind I was wondering, 'Is this really their language-wait, their language is fine... but their accent?' I was ignorant and I found it hard to believe because to me, they sounded like mocking, or joking. Good thing I got a hold of it.

Everyone is so nice. They are so malambing- maybe it was because of their accent. Yet- I can't believe that I have confirmed my enrollment in UP Visayas. I can't stand stereotypical judgements, like... Why does she go to that cheap school? Or, How can she survive in that bukid? Or, Is she smart enough to even be in a UP campus? Lemme tell a little something: UP-V is not a cheap school, we have to pay 1k for a unit; I can survive in a 'bukid' because I believe it gives me the peace of mind that I am looking for; and, Not all UP students are smart, some are just practical.

Goodbye, Highschool life

2008-04-16T23:49:00.000-07:00

Goodbye, Highschool life. I'm going to miss you. No more anticipation for Recess-Lunchbreaks-Dismissals. No more 'before prom night' anxiety. No more tablecloth uniforms. No more chilling at the red table. No more singing of school hymn. No more, no more, no more. The thing is, I can't do anything about it. I will miss it, yet I also want to move on in another phase of my life. That is, college. "Everything has an ending to make us appreciate the beginning, and through every ending, there is a new beginning."

Highschool life, as I recall, was the craziest part of my life. Back when I was a freshman, I would be the insecure girl who didn't care much about her looks or the way she dressed. She believed that she would be the fat girl forever. She was doing worse at math, so every single night she would study and hope that her fate would change.

Sophomore year was better for her. She started to have friends. In fact, she befriended seventeen of the craziest girls in her class. Academically performing well, she honed her skills by studying every night. The once difficult algebra problems, became pancakes for her. The highlight of her writing 'career' has been when she, a second year student, had published two articles in the frontpage of her school paper.

Third year came, and she had the initiative to change her looks. It was a need, not a want. And so she did, she had now become an anorexic bitch who had spent her summer dieting and taking slimming pills- which later on, had side effects that subjected her to be back in her stout body and her academic performance deteriorated as she was not eating. It was too late for her to realize that what she had done was only to her disadvantage. She forgot about her writing dreams, her schoolworks, appparently, she forgot some of God's gifts to her.

It was senior year when we ruled the campus. No more insecure girl, anorexic bitch, or goody-two-shoes(well, still, a little bit of that). It felt different to be the eldest of a school. Sometimes, I'd bitch around; sometimes, I wanted to set a good example; sometimes, I had thoughts of college and how different the environment would be; sometimes, I couldn't feel the highschool heebie jeebie anymore- I had dealt with all of these crap, I had to ride through this rollercoaster and though it's hard to believe but the once lost dork, is now facing a different phase in her life. Though change is difficult, it is constant.

And here I begin the new chapter of my life, in an unknown place- well, not literally... But unknown in a way that everyone is a stranger. Being antisocial and shy, that would be very difficult for me.

Why did I choose to journey in this road less taken? Why did I not choose to be with my friends in a university I have always liked? Because it was my choice. I would not be pointing my fingers at my mom, or other influential people in my family. I have to convince mysele it was my choice.

I Thought

2008-04-11T07:41:00.000-07:00

I thought I could just forget blogging. But no, I realized that blogging was rooted in my veins.

Ok, crush that out. I am too lazy to blog. But yeah, I keep finding myself in blogger.

PS, someone got my old username. ER. And, this blog under construction 'till I get in the mood to change the layouts and stuff. ;)

Dear Lifegiver

2008-03-25T04:20:00.000-07:00

Dear lifegiver,

I know that I am a stubborn girl. I always wanted it my way. You may not understand the way I chose to live my life. You may think that I want to just enjoy and look at the bright side of things and ignore the dark side. You may think of me as the irresponsible eldest and my younger brother would suit my position better. Yes, you may think that I don't take things seriously that is why you blame me when I get low grades and tell me that I could've done better. You try convince me that I can pass the ACET test if I would've been more serious. Well, that's what you think. I cannot blame you though because that's what I made you believe.

But I am not like you, or my father, or my cousin, or some random person you want me to be. I make no excuses of who I am and what I choose. I don't want to be the person you want me to be. I don't want you to take over my life and dictate meall the time. Yes, maybe you would probably add to your list of sermons of my being immature and not understanding your plans for me. Just note that I have not been 'NOT serious'. I try to do my best in all things and I always try to impress you, but maybe God made me a stupid person.

Don't worry. I am a good kid. I would do whatever you wanted me to do. I'll study in f*cking [insert university here] but when I would look back and become successful-come what may, no I would not ever say that it was my choice. My heart belongs to some other university. I have my shallow reasons and you may think it's funny but hell it's my own reason. For you, I'd study in some place that I know I'd not be happy with. Don't worry, I would not ever say these words to you because I am not the rebellious type. I am not stupid as rebelling knowing it would result to nothing.

So I am sorry for being so shallow. Yet I am not sorry for being who I am, for not being able to bag all the honors and brag all my success to you. I am sorry for being someone that you cannot understand. I am sorry. But see, I think that I would not have any courage to say these word to you personally. So let my entrance be at [YOUR chosen university] the selfless act you're looking for. I hope your happy now.

Learning from 'Janena'

2008-03-24T09:11:00.001-07:00

I watched Janina San Miguel on Youtube, and it made me wonder... Am I grammatically correct? Or, do I have a competent diction? Yes, these are the few things I am paranoid with. Note, that I am an utterly paranoid person. If I would say the word, 'family' would it sound like 'pamilee'? I even checked my grammar while writing this blog.

I remembered getting really stuck-up in my grammar and diction that I found the Merriam-Webster's game my pastime. I laugh at times when a teacher mispronounced a word. I find myself a freak who corrects people's wrong grammars, or atleast the obvious ones. I am not so good myself though. I just want to think that the whole world would be better if there wouldn't be any mispronunciation leading to miscommunication. Kkay, can I stop writing now? I'm scaring myself.

Going back to Janina, who could blame her? I bet a girl like me couldn't stand infront of thousands. Just 'strutting a swimsuit' with a large crowd judging-(well, criticizing would be more appropriate) her is hard. The decision of the judges became a controversy. But I realized that even winners like her can't have it all. She may not have proper diction and right grammar nor does she have perfect teeth (Hey, I was criticizing! :)) but her confidence is to die for.

I just have to stop overreacting to irrational, mundane stuffs like wrong grammar and proper diction. Am I such a shallow person that I laugh when I recieve a text message from our maid that says, "Te, opin get plz"(which would probably mean: Te, Open gate please.)?

iks-u-iks-u,

God said, "Go and Multiply!"

2008-03-24T08:01:00.000-07:00

T'was December 29 of last year when I posted my supposedly 'last' blogger post and got into multiply and kept my thoughts to myself. I am not so fond of dates, but that's the recorded date of my last post. Though there were times that I felt lazy and I felt like I should not share my thoughts in public, I cannot abandon my beloved blog. I feel so incomplete without a blog. Yes, if you may question why multiply can't satisfy my blogging needs, I can simply say that multiply is just for graphic memories- a.k.a., pictures. That's what it's made of. Heedless of the apps it kept on adding, let's face it, the thing that comes to our minds when 'multiply' is heard is, 'photo albums'. Now don't even try to deny it. :P

Furthermore, I wouldn't want my contacts to be bothered by my day-by-day drama. In blogger, you couldn't see who's viewing. That's the thing I like in here, you wouldn't be paranoid. Honestly, when a 'hot' contact of mine in multiply would view one of my crappy albums, I feel paranoid. In here, I wouldn't be. Even if David Beckham views my blog, I wouldn't see it. Unless he would leave some comment. That's good, right?

In fact, when God shouted the words, "Go and multiply!" He wasn't kidding. People went crazy and signed in to this 'safe' website and multiplied! Online shops bombarded multiply like crazy. That's a good thing for them because people nowadays have gone online. Even Borat goes online... I think. I've been thinking about doing business in multiply myself. It's tax-free anyway.

Next to friendster, multiply has been the talk of the family. In multiply, unlike in friendster, there's this 'relationship' option. See, if you invite your mom, it's not just 'Donna' or a random mom's name but 'Donna, your mother'. That's better than seeing her on friendster. It's such a social suicide seeing an elder's friendster adding an 'addicted to imeem' or whatever application. No offense. I can imagine my mom doing that and it makes me shiver.

Hey, don't get me wrong about promoting multiply. I am not. In fact, I don't like multiply that much. It's okay, but not great. I just wanted to go back to blogging and bring the old 'misspristine' back with a new username. Blogging is what I was born to do. (And other few things too:])

Durian Chocolate = Ew

2007-12-29T02:25:00.000-08:00

Introducing Davao's Durian...(egh)

I saw a box of Durian Chocolate in our kitchen. Just the thought of it makes me sick. I hate durian more than ever. I tried to eat it, but I just couldn't. It looks delicious, but I don't dare taste it.

Chi-Chi

2007-12-29T01:34:00.000-08:00

Spot the fake.

Mum and I explored the streets of Chi-chi today. Actually, Chi-chi is not its real name. I started calling it Chi-chi because my friends also call that place 'Chi-chi'. It's a little Chinatown in Davao where people would buy the cheapest things. It's much cheaper compared to malls.

I explored the gargantuan store full of DVD's. Pirated one, of course. All kinds of people were buying them. Rich, poor, young, old... Even Policemen. But wait, selling pirated DVD's is against the law, isn't it? And policemen are protectors of the law, Aren't they? My, what a twisted world we've got.

So, I went from pirated DVDs to wallets and bags. They have a large collection of bags and wallets. Lacoste, Gucci, Guess, Chloe, Coach, you name it. I bet China or even, Manila has a lot more to offer.

In America, it is mandated by the law that people would pay a fine or be behind bars when caught wearing, selling, or owning imitations.

I can't blame people who buy imitations though. The main reason why people buy fake ones is the very unreasonable price of designer goods. Like, a Gucci sunglasses can cost a hundred dollars while the 'Gucci-Gucci-han' would juct cost, what, fifty pesos perhaps?

It's a good investment buying real ones though. It guarantees to last a lifetime. Plus, it can save people from Social suicide. So, give me fake pradas or give me death. ;P

Alive

2007-12-21T00:48:00.000-08:00

something new, LOLLIPOP

Now listening: Alive-- Jennifer Lopez. Inspiring ;)

2007 has been a very bittersweet year for me. As the world grows a year older, I also grow older- alot older. I learned how simple things can make people happy. I learned that the important thing is to have the strength to stand alone and instead of crying, stand firm. I'm happy for the things that God has taught me this year. I'm wiser now. I know how to cross streets, buy my own dress, pay some of my own clothes and get what I want without depending on anyone.

I also don't regret the days where I have to cry. I also thank the people who made me cry. You see, I don't give much notice to people who compliment me or to people who say nice things to me. But to people who criticize me, I give much importance. I am not sure of how to carry myself at times. Yes, I am insecure. I'm my own enemy. But I've got my back-up. My friends. So I am covered- and I thank them.

I also want to say sorry to people whom I hurt. If people have been hurt because of my shallowness, I say sorry. I just pity some people whose hearts have been broken because of me, of my mouth, or of any hurt I have done in them.

A NEW Year, A NEW life. ;) We are not cats, therefore we've got only one life- Why not make the most of it? ;)

Fruitcakes are forever

2007-12-02T06:27:00.000-08:00

Every christmas season, I always assume that our fridge would be filled with ham, softdrinks, pancit, and the very famous fruitcake. I just wonder why fruitcakes are so popular every christmas season. It may be a gift, be bought from stores, or be home-made.

There is a standard old joke about the oldest family heirloom being a fruit cake. They said that 'fruitcakes are forever'. I found it easy to believe because the main ingredient in fruitcakes is wine. Wine can last for some time- the more preserved, the better.

Fruit cake is a British specialty. English passed out slices of cake to poor women who sang Christmas carols in the street during the late 1700s. It is known that in England by the end of the 18th century there were laws restricting the use of plum cake (plum being the generic word for dried fruit at the time) to Christmas, Easter, weddings, christenings and funerals. The fruit cake as known today cannot date back much beyond the Middle Ages. It was only in the 13th century that dried fruits began to arrive in Britain, from Portugal and the east Mediterranean.

Honestly, I dislike fruitcakes. I think that its sophistication makes it taste awful. I guess people love the idea of eating a variety of fruits together when they eat fruitcakes.

Fruitcakes, anyone?

There's no way to Peace, Peace is the way

2007-11-29T19:52:00.000-08:00

In accordance to the Mindanao week of Peace Celebration, we were asked to make a 'Peace' poster. This was made by Grace. :D

Peace to all!

Kuwentong Vodka

2007-11-25T05:57:00.000-08:00

Hindi pa ako marunong uminom. Wala akong kaide-ideya sa mga Vodka, Tequilla, Beer, Margarita o ano pang serbesa na naririnig ko lang sa iba't-ibang tao. Noon, wala akong interes sa mga bagay na 'yan. Pero ayoko naman na maging ignorante.

Yun din ang pananaw ni Mama. Kaya, nung kami'y nag-grocery, pinayagan nya akong bumili ng dalawang botelya ng Vodka- isang Raspberry flavor at isang blueberry flavor, at isang botelya ng Infinit'- Tequilla. Si Mama pa nga ang nagyaya na kumuha pa raw ako ng Mudshake. Kumuha pa raw ako ng iba't-ibang flavors ng Tequilla. Aba, aba, aba!

Nung umuwi kami sa bahay, sabik akong tikman ang mga bagong 'discovery'. Si Mama, sabik din. Madami rin siyang kinuwento tungkol sa kanyang college days. Sabi nya, madalas silang umiinom nung nasa college pa lamang sila. Normal lang daw ang uminom, hindi lang dapat sumobra.

Sa unang tikim ko, ang aking naging impresyon ay mapait. Kala ko, parang sprite lang o coke. Hindi pala. Dahan-dahan ko itong ininom, dahil natatakot ako na malasing. Hanggang, natuklasan ko, dalawang botelya na pala ng Vodka ang naubos ko.

Kahit papano, ako'y nakatikim na ng Vodka. Hindi na ako ignorante, at makakapagrelate na ako sa aking mga kaklase kung pag-uusapan man nila ang ganitong bagay. Kapalit naman ng pag-inom ko nito, ay ang aking pangako kay mama na hindi ko aabusuhin ang pag-inom.

Good Luck sa aking Hangover- Kung meron man.

Bible Study

2007-11-23T07:13:00.000-08:00

What comes to your mind when someone mentions 'Bible study'?

I believe that a bible study is a gathering of a group, analyzing a chapter or a verse of a bible. I think that people would look at it as boring, and it's not needed- since God doesn't want His people to overcriticize His words. I wouldn't blame them, because I, myself am not interested.

Until I tried to join one.

It was my first time to join a bible study. I was in a room full of strangers my age, showing no face at all. I couldn't even talk to them because I was too shy. I'm not a 'socialite' material. I'm not used to that kind of environment.

One thing that surprised me was College students, especially boys, are ready to give up a part of their time for God. It surprised me because they still sing the songs, they still clap their hands when asked to and they still participate in every activity. I mean, It's not everyday that we see them in a Bible study.

We sang nice songs, not the 'Ciboloy'-like songs where we would be waving our hands in the air. The scene was very ideal: Youth singing and praising God. I didn't expect that teenagers like me, would sing aloud. Like, in my mind, meron pa palang bukas-loob sa Diyos.

Then, our group talked about David. We talked about God.

My mom scolded me after. I got a long sermon. The issue? It was a Christian Group. Our religion is Catholic. I don't know how to react, because I think that there's no difference. I even got mad to my mom because she told me how it would abuse my money, and all. For Pete's sake, they didn't even charge us for our dinner! But, as always, Moms know best.

Cooking and Dreaming

2007-11-13T01:50:00.000-08:00

NOTE: This is an excerpt from my actual ENDERUN Essay. I enjoyed writing this essay because, It was so me. I just plainly explained by dreams

Whenever I hear the life of any foreign country-based chef, I get envious. As I grew up, I felt like my calling was to be one of them, a chef. I don’t know why I love cooking so much. My greatest mission in life is to devote my self in the kitchen.

Since I was a little kid, I used to mix up different things from our kitchen. While others played outside, I stayed at home. Cooking was my pastime. I was left in the kitchen, literally. I am fond of cooking for the family. I make sweets. My so-called ‘specialty’ is the cheesecake. Every week, I make sure that I make one for my family. We eat it together after dinner.

I always dream of owning a café that offers a variety of mouthwatering desserts- like cakes, puddings, mousses, meringues, crepes, and the list goes on. Nowadays, cafés are booming everywhere because people hang out or have a sip of freshly-brewed coffee. Owning of perhaps, a next Starbucks would be my illusion of bliss.

Of course, I’d be in my trusty apron, making magic and sharing the happiness to people. I would make dishes that people from all over the world would love.

These are my long-term goals. It means that I could not get it in a snap. What about my short-term goals? I have three things to prioritize.

First and foremost, I have to prioritize my studies. I have to do my best in everything. As our school directress told us, ‘being excellent is not being the best but rather, doing our best’- and I do believe her. I have to face my responsibilities and be a mature person.

I would also prioritize others. Being the person for others is like being a person for God. My God-given talents would be useless if I would not share it to others. Not to expect anything in return, but just to reach out to them. I might not know, they would be the key to my success.

Lastly, I would prioritize myself. To never stop dreaming and to never stop believing and never stop doing what I always wanted to do. Without passion, one could not reach anything. Without humility, one could not take the difficult, initial steps that would soon lead to giant leaps.

I just wanna be on the beach

2007-11-09T02:03:00.000-08:00

Have you ever thought of simple happiness? The joy that would satisfy you without finding yourself empty-handed? Where else would people find the kind of place but the beach? Aye! :)

I don't know why I still enjoy its ambience despite the hot sun, the rough ground, the big preparations that comes before an actual beach-trip, and everything. I still love the idea of soaking in the water and feeling the sand on my feet. It's a my kind of Paradise.

Let me tell you a little secret. I used to hate the beach. I used to think that they were nothing but a place where people will get their tanlines and of course, show it off. I hate the feeling of being tanned up- being black, as my vocabulary tells me. I hate the sun, the inevitably hot sun. So, I also didn't like the beach that much.

Eventually, I changed. I finally tried to befriend the sun and I loved it. I loved the corals, I loved the sun, I loved the beach. It got me tanned for months, but nothing can replace the happiness that I felt.

A lot of people come to the beach to chill and unwind after a hard week, a record breaking hardcore test or to find peace. They sure came to the right place! I wish I could live in the beach, but then my skintone and skin condition would be terrible. Still, the beach is the place to be.

the Seven Deadly Sins

2007-11-09T01:21:00.000-08:00

These are several confessions of random people who are honest enough to confess their sins. Too bad they chose an online confession website instead of a priest. Boom! Their secrets are revealed just by pressing the 'ok' button.

PRIDE:
1. I sometimes belittle other people in order to
feel a flashing moment of intellectual superiority. In truth, I am terrified. Of
everything.

2. I have worn foundation every single day since I turned
thirteen. I am almost twenty-four now. I can't stand for anyone to look at my
naked skin.

3. A week or so before we broke up, I finally made my
boyfriend cry. Stupid jerk, he had seen me cry so many times before. I was too
good for him and I'm happy to know I got to him too.

ENVY:
1. I measure my accomplishments by the
weaknesses and failures of others.

2. I always hang out with girls that
are less pretty than me or ugly because it makes me feel good about myself and
because I always get the attention, I hate hanging out with beautiful girls,
they steal my show.

SLOTH:
1. I watched the Home
Shopping Network for three hours today because I couldn't find the will to
change channels.

2. I am too lazy to even get up and make food, so I
starve.

GLUTTONY:
1. I drank twelve 16-oz bottles
of Coca-cola just to see if I could win a prize in the cap. I won nothing but
diarrhea.

2. Yesterday I ate whipcream, a box of chocolates, ice cream,
a milkshake, and a huge candy bar. This occurs often.

3. I'm never
hungry. I eat because I'm bored. I ate tons of chips and dip today.

GREED:
1. I stole from my daughter's piggy bank
just ti buy cigarette and I'm effin' guilty.

2. I have to get more than
you get. If that means that I sometimes have to be deceptive and even take from
you, that's ok.

3. I hate sharing. The very thought of spliting that
case of beer with you was too much for me to deal with, eventhough you did pay
for half. So I drank them all myself before you came over and blamed it on my
brother.

LUST:
1. I was lusting after my best
friend's, who is 24, little sister, who was 12, - who caught on to me liking
her... then managed to flirt with me until I f*cked her while her sis was in the
shower. Eventually we all did a threesome.

2. I want to f*ck my
boyfriend's best friend.

WRATH:
1. I accidentally
killed the bully in my kindergarten days and I'm kinda proud of it.

2. I
used to walk through the crowded halls of my highschool and day dream about
punching some random person as hard as I could in the face.

3. You're so
f*cking hard to deal with but I still love you.

Yes, I've found all of these in some random website. I think that these are ways to release feelings so people would be able to relax after they write. It may sound harsh, funny or crazy but it's the truth. I even found myself saying things like these. We always commit the seven deadly sins. We just don't have any idea.

Above the influence

2007-10-19T02:56:00.000-07:00

I happen to browse through the web, and found above the influence. Visiting their site, I learned...

Marijuana has 400 chemicals. I guess that's why it makes people feel 'high'.

About 45% of teens, rages from fourteen years old, become alchohol-dependent. Or, alchoholic.

One out of eight teenage boys is responsible for teen pregnancy. Isn’t it stressful enough trying to balance school, family, friends and work? What if you had to take care of a baby on top of all that?

When you smoke you are either depressed, paranoid, gotten suicidal thoughts or you have a short attention span.

Mrijuana is very addictive. Still think marijuana is not addictive? Your brain and body become used to the damaging effects of pot, after excessive use.

The average American child may view as many as 40,000 television commercials every year. So, by the time you become a teenager you’ve been bombarded by hundreds of thousands of messages. Are your eyes burning yet?

The number one cause of death among individuals aged 16-20 is motor vehicle crashes.

Effects of abusing cough syrup (which includes DXM) are: nausea, seizures, heart palpitations, blackouts, and even brain damage or death.

Oh yes, these are some things I learned today. Well, I think that these facts are very helpful especially to teenagers like me. I think that we ought to know something about the social issues around us: drug addiction, smoking, etc. Just visiting the 'above the influence' I learned a lot. :)

Are you a senior too?

2007-10-08T02:33:00.000-07:00

I know I'm a Senior. I know I'm a senior because I am anticipating the 'rest days' i.e., Sportsfest, Sem Break, Christmas, Prom, Graduation, without thinking about those 'stress days'. I know I'm a senior because I want to do something special for my last year in highschool life. I know I'm a senior because I cannot get a grip of my life. I know I'm a senior when I can't catch up with logarithms and El Filibusterismo's. I know I'm a senior because I am more carefree than ever before, not worrying about my grades. I know I'm a senior because saturdays are getting 'fun days' or, 'busy days'. I know I'm a senior because I want to shout out to the whole world how I want to die!

Yes, I'm a senior. I believe these are the epitomes of a dreaded life. Unfortunately, I couldn't escape from these things. It's a thing that we all have to face.

Mangrove Tree Planting

2007-09-20T04:15:00.000-07:00

Who wouldn't love the dirty old mud sprinkled with fun? Eh? At first, it may sound disgusting especially when the hot sun is involved. But I learned to love it anyway.

It was an early morning, and I had a feeling that my day would be a mess. I had a basketball jersey with me. All of a sudden, I felt the fun. I found the beach, once again, I found my paradise. I found myself walking again in the white sands with 17 friends with me.

Happiness. Total Bliss. Tree planting is a must-have in every senior life!

Jose Rizal - Ang idolo ng mga chickboy

2007-09-09T00:21:00.000-07:00

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ko naisip ang asignaturang ito. Di ko rin alam kung anong pumasok sa aking utak at naisip ko si Jose Rizal. Lingid sa kaalaman ng marami, si Rizal ay isang Chickboy. Patawarin sana ako ni Rizal o ng kanyang mga magulang, Don Kikoy at Donya Lolay.

Noong ipinanood namin ang isang palabas na nag-uugnay sa buhay ni Rizal, nalaman namin na si Rizal ay naka-ikot na sa mundo. Nakaiinggit mang sabihin, pero iyon ang katotohanan. Sa bawat lugar na kanyang paroroonan, ay may mga babaing nagpatibok rin sa kanyang puso.

Sino ba namang hindi makakalimot sa kanyang unang pag-ibig na si Segunda Katigbak? Sa bokabularyo ng ingles iyon lamang ay isang 'puppy love'. O si Leonor Valezuela? Na pinadalhan nya ng mga sulat- at ang ginamit nya pang panulat ay isang 'invisible ink'(iyong nauuso na ngayon) para silang dalawa lamang ang makababasa! Tindi ah.

Ngunit, isang Leonor parin ang inibig nya, at mas matindi 'toh, dahil pinsang buo nya. Si Leonor Rivera, inibig nya ng labing isang taon. Alam nyo bang si Leonor Rivera ang modelo ni Rizal para mabuo nya ang katauhang si Maria Clara? Magpinsan pa, mag-nobyo't nobya pa.

Si Consuelo Ortega ang sumunod kay Leonor Rivera, at dumating rin si O Sei San. Isang Haponesa, maganda, sa aking pagkakakita sa kanyang litrato. Kamukha nya si Zhang Zhi yi kung pagbabasehan sa kasalukuyang panahon.

Sinundan pa ito niGertrude Beckett na taga-London. Si Nellie Boustead taga-Europa rin, na niligawan rin ni Antonio Luna at sila'y nagduwelo pa dahil sa babaeng ito. Suzanne Jacoby na taga-Brussels at isa pang Suzanne, Suzanne Jacoby na di ko na masundan kung san nagnggaling, dahil sa dinami-daming babae.

At ang suwerteng si Josephine Bracken, isang Ingles na napangasawa ni Rizal.

Ayan, at naitala ko rin ang kanyang mga babae, mga 'chicks' sa modernong tawag. Aking naisip na puwede palang maging bayani ang isang 'ladies' man'. Naisip ko ri na ka-level ni Rizal sina Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise o Jude Law.

Mabuhay si Jose Rizal, ang pambansang Chickboy! :))

Side by side, Marisian Pride

2007-09-08T01:37:00.000-07:00

With my last year of attending DACS(Davao Association of Colleges and Schools) Sportsfest, I think it's about time I show some school pride. And Hell I did!

I think that it's like a UAAP-Davao version. Where players get to display their school seals and parade it with their pride. I'm so glad that I was able to shout, cheer for our school for the last time. Whatever the contest, or game, I ought to pay respect. I'm just thankful that I was able to see the presentations (Cheerdance, Modern, Singing competitions, Neo-Ethno).

For Cheerdance competition, eventhough I wasn't really 'Wow-ed' by their performance, I was 'wow-ed' with their efforts. I also think that Sir Edmar, did a great job- being a geometry teacher and an instructor? Hmm... Not bad, eh? The dancers did their best, 2nd runner-up is not that bad.

For Modern Dance, this time, I was really 'Woowww-ed!' It was fantastic. It wasn't boring and I love the choreography. They garnered the 1st place, Champion! They were truly amazing, and not to mention, the crowd loved them! I knew that before the announcement of winners, they had a hunch of who's gonna be this year's champion. I know so.

For the singing competitions, Wala rin akong masabi. They've done well. Karla and Kelvin were cute couples as they sang, "My Destiny"- They garnered 2nd runner-up.

For the Neo-Ethno, we were about to be named the 'defending champions'. Here's the thing: 1st Judge, ranked us Champions. Second Judge, Ranked us champions. Then here comes the third judge, who ranked us, 5th- far from the decision of the two other judges. Oh well, I still think that they are champions.

For other games, like basketball... I think I cheered my heart out. Really. That makes me proud to be a Marisian. Hail, Star of the Sea! :))

Pictures and Videos: http://yanamarisse.multiply.com/

Field Trip and Recollection

2007-08-26T19:21:00.000-07:00

Learning and realizations from our field trip:

1. Samal Island is such a place to be!

2. I'll love the beach forever, especially if it's in Samal.

3. Bats have foul smell, well, atleast their poops.

4. Baby bats can look adorable.

5. A trip to colleges and Universities with familiar faces can be embarassing.

6. Chryso class have met 6 times that week!

7. Chrysolite = FUN!

MADAYAW, DAVAO!

2007-08-18T00:33:00.000-07:00

It was a very unusual experience to see those colorful buntings, costumes and alot of people enjoying themselves, live. Thanks to Girl Scouting, I was able to experience Kadayawan on the streets rather than on TV.

The Cadet Girl Scouts of the Philippines planned 'Libreng tubig galing sa GSP'. We installed a table along the roads which the Parade would take place. It was a very tiring experience because not only would we be soaked under the hot sun, but we were walking and walking and walking... Whew! We were like the contestants and the dancers. But, it was a fun experience.

Naki-indak rin ang 6 cyclemind! They were really walking along the streets. One band member was even holding his camera.

Chocolates, anyone?

2007-08-13T22:58:00.000-07:00

"Chocolate is the only aromatherapy I need."

- Jasmine Heiler

Nature

2007-08-10T07:31:00.000-07:00

"The day I see a leaf is a marvel of a day"

- Kenneth Patton

TWO Excruciating Experiences

2007-08-06T05:27:00.000-07:00

It came, and it passed. I could not believe that I was giving off my best in two of the most excruciating experiences of my week. As the title suggests, this post is probably one of the tradegies that happend in my life, but it won't be such a long dump of complaints. For when I look back at this, probably on my college days, I will laugh and reminisce those moments.

UPCAT - I could not believe that I had lost at least a million of my brain cells, or neurons... Whatever- in a mere five hours. My only hope is the Languange Proficiency Part in the test, which was about 50 items. The rest of the test, was history. I could not grasp the fact that I lacked in whatever information- nonetheless, I just wish I would pass.

MO. CANDIDA SONG COMPOSITION - In a school called Stella Maris Academy of Davao, probably, the biggest event, next to our graduation, is the Mo. Candida Song Composition. I never knew the reason why winning was such a big deal for a song. Of my four years in singing a Mo. Candida Song, I've never won a single year. It is my last year, and still, I am a last placer. Chrysolite section, my section, a fourth placer. I was dismayed by the result, but I assured myself that I did my best- singing my heart out for my last Mo. Candida Song.

The sleepless preoccupied days

2007-07-22T04:14:00.000-07:00

I had reminisced the days where I just sit around the house, eat, do whatever I want- without any limit. Those were the summer days. Looking back, I can't imagine how far from those days were my usual school days at the moment. If I could summarize my present days in one word, it would be: Sleepless.

My Scrapegoats for my Puffy Eyes, include:

1. The tiring Physics Activity wherein we have to design a poster for the nutrition month. It was worth it though, because our 'bead-sy' poster was in Ma'am Fergilicious Dep's office.

2. The Oh-so-Psychotic Guidance Counselor who annoys me with her very slow, ala-turtle talks.

3. The every-saturday Girl Scout training for Cadet scout. Eventhough I consider it an 'unforgettable experience', I never got a chance to rest. Cheers for me, I'm a Cadet Scout! I never thought I could surpass it.

4. The FI Youth Experience. It was fun- really, scrubbing the gym until 8 PM. What an experience! But Hey, It was a first time experience I enjoyed.

5. The Magsaysay Park Exeprience, The Girl Scout Bridging Program and the ADMU Orientation Career talk at Ateneo High- All in one day. Thank God for letting it all happen!

6. The Career Talk. The biggest most-not-awaited event on my list. Probably because Ma'am Aprode made me in charge and I still don't know what to do. Or maybe because I am going to be an emcee for the first time, and I got to have a sense of humor. Or maybe because, My Tita is going to be one of the Speakers!

Oh, I almost forgot... It's my birthday this coming friday.

I'm a Poison Manufacturer

2007-06-23T08:37:00.000-07:00

Your lesson is to conquer jealousy and anger in yourself and then in those who will select you as their guide. You should understand that these weaknesses are caused by fear and self-regret.

What's your past life? Did you ever think that maybe you were not the person you were in your past? Do you often remember things that cannot be explained? Is Incarnation- even real?

I just don't know the answers. When I typed my birthday, pressed the 'press for diagnosis' button, I was surprised. I was an alchemist, chemist, even a poison manufacturer! I just ignored these things, but isn't it... Amazing?

The thing that I liked most was the 'lesson' that my past life brought me to my present incarnation. I really need to overcome jealousy and anger in myself. I don't think that my self-esteem would rise up anymore. There are things that made me feel so small.

Thus, I am afraid. How can I overcome this fear?

Sweet Sixteens

2007-06-19T06:18:00.001-07:00

Why is everyone turning sixteen? Alas, It's another special birthday. There were two celebrants, Adet and Kimberly. I'm glad they liked the 'surprise' and the cake we gave them.

Sweet Sixteen! (Ver. 4?)

The Celebrants!

Meet the lollipops...

... and the lolligirls! (Thea, Daph, Kayan, Angel)

Thea!

Q, Moi!, Grace

Jay, Steve

This is why you shouldn't bring PSP with you.

Us! Kim, Thea, Kayan, Queenie, Jaymark, Steve, Grace, Kim, Adet, ME, Angel, Faj, Grace!

Girl scout experience

2007-06-17T03:05:00.000-07:00

The first time I wore the green, weird over-all, was in grade 4. I was a Junior Girl scout. I had no certain reason of joining the girl scout. I just remembered how Maureen, my bestfriend back then, endlessly convinced me that we will have a great time.

I also remembered my first 'camping' at our school. The first time I entered the school, I was crying. We had no tent. Maybe, at that time, reality hit me. Where will we sleep? No bed. No everything.

Good thing Ma'am Lacson, the scoutmaster accomodated a tent. If not, I would totally freak out. I hid my cellphone in my bag so I would be able to text my mom anytime. I remembered how uncomfortable my first day was. Sleeping was hard- I considered flies as my worst enemies. I was re-applying "off lotion" every five minutes.

As expected, the first night was sleepless. My tentmates and I even had a big argument that eventually led us to The scoutmaster's office. It was horrible.

I also experienced campfires- sang songs, talked and bonded with other girl scouts. Somehow, I had fun despite the fact that I couldn't sleep- and I missed my bed!

Then, morning came. It was an early morning, not the time that I usually wake up. I found myself soaking in the hot sun, cooking breakfast. Burnt fish for breakfast! My groupmates grew angry at me because I destroyed our breakfast. Good thing I still had my cellphone and ta-daaa... We had a breakfast, lechon manok.

After that camping experience, I never entered girl scout again. I only re-entered for extra-curricular, when I was in third year. Experience taught me a lot. Being a girl scout has taught me a lot.

With the blink of an eye, I found myself loving the movement. I will soon (hopefully!) be a Cadet scout. I found myself digging holes and touching soil- which, by the way, is one of my dislikes. I found myself cutting bamboos to build a table. Worst of all, I found myself wearing my brother's loose clothes.

I had found happiness in things that I never would've expected I would enjoy. It's true that we can turn bad things into good. Like what I did in girl scouting, I turned it into something good. Myabe, God just wanted to test me and put me outside my comfort zone, so He may mold me to be the person I am in the present.

Somewhere out there

2007-06-15T08:55:00.000-07:00

Somewhere, out there- in an unknown world, life may exist. A world which we do not know, but imagine. I started to dream about that world, wondering what it looked like. Is it really possible to be thrown away to another dimension? I dare to question Albert Einstein, sceptical about his theory.

I wonder how he thought of such things. How he, could make time go faster-or slower. Tell me, what would another world look like? Is it as amazing as the one we are living? Is it as tough? Is it as fun? Is it as exciting? Is it as hard? Is it as unpredictable?

Somewhere in an unknown world I call, non-existent, I would pass the chance and stay in this world. My world- where my family, friends, and other precious people live in. I want to live my time not as E=mc2 but as 60 seconds, 60 minutes, 24 hours, 30 days and 12 months. It's not a lot, but it's better than living in a non-existent world.

Positive thinking

2007-06-12T03:41:00.000-07:00

UPCAT- August 14 or 15, 2007 (First step towards college!)

UP Diliman: BS Hotel, Restaurant Industry Management
BS Interior Design

UP Visayas: BS Food Technology
BS Public Health

It's funny, isn't it? I, being a clueless senior having no idea of what course to take in College? I, being a clueless senior thinking and daydreaming about entering my choice of University- being a kolehiyala? I, being a clueless senior who is too afraid to face those dreaded University Application forms?

Funny.

The UP Application Form is the first form that I have filled in. It's the first form that made me realize, Ohmy?! What course will I choose? Why am I even filling up this form if I know I will fail? -What if I will fail?! Where will I go? Oh nooo! Different thoughts came rushing down my mind like a tsunami. Is it normal? Or, am I paranoid?

My worries won't get me anywhere. It won't get me to any University if I overthink. I believe that I will have more application forms to face, but I don't want to face it with worries on my mind. "Positive thinking is the key to success"- I got that from a poster at our classroom.

Positive thinking. Positive thinking. Positive thinking.

Whew!

2007-06-09T17:41:00.000-07:00

The first few days of school went well. I enjoy waking up 5 or 6 in the morning and dressing up for school. I enjoy doing dozens of homework- it keeps me busy. I enjoy listening to boring teachers teach boring lessons (Cough... Physics... Cough!). I enjoy the thrill of being busy. I enjoy school life!

I don't know why, but it seems like I've become a nerd. Nerd?! I was allergic to that word, but now... Er- I think I am becoming one. No kidding. I don't know why I'm reading my Economics book for no reason.- I don't know why I'm thinking about school 24/7.

It's just supercalifrajilisticexpialidocious. I guess I'm just up to the experience. I want to do all the things that people never expected me to do. Oh puh-lease...!

Oh, she's all that. I think.

2007-06-03T03:04:00.000-07:00

She had a towering height of 5'9, I suspect. She had a model-like figure with her milky complexion, dressed in elegance. She wore luxurious jewelries like those in Nelly's "Grillz" music video or in Fergie's "Glamorous" music video. She was holding different shopping bags, which marks her posh lifestyle. She stood out of the crowd because of all these qualities- Oh, she's all that.

Sadly, a mere cellphone conversation changed all my thoughts. While she was talking to someone in her cellphone, she did a little 'dialing'- err, a term which here means, 'picking with her nose'.

I can't believe how she could pick her nose in public- and she did it with her index finger, that makes her more disgusting.

She may blind everyone with her expensive clothes and her oh-so-flattering frame. She may shop all she wants and buy all those nice clothes, but I pity her because she can't buy the thing she needed most: Proper manners!

Truth to be told: Beauty and good manners come together, without manners, it's not beauty at all.

Adieu Summer, Hello Senior Life!

2007-05-29T09:07:00.000-07:00

Adieu, summer. Goodbye to bumming around, goodbye to worry-free life. I can't believe that I will be a Senior. It seems like yesterday I cried my heart out to my mom, convincing her to stay with me until we were dismissed in kindergarten. Seems just like yesterday I was 'awkward' for it was my first year in highschool.

I know I'm in for another journey. Not only do I get a chance to renew my 'student pledge' to myself, but I also get to see my friends. I think that I will spend my last year in highschool with the right mix of fun and seriousness. I have to admit, my third year life was not what I expected it to be. I didn't take my studies seriously- except for Chemistry. I just thank God I'm staying alive and not de-meritted. It was the time when Group studies turned into Crazy Gossip sessions and Pillow fights. PE turned into eating and vanity sessions. Classroom hours turned into Joke-time sessions.

I just hope to enjoy and take the time to smell the flowers, but also, I should know my goals. I swear to follow my commandments, and not to turn into a declassified school girl in the middle of the year.

'Put up treasures'

2007-05-28T19:07:00.000-07:00

I found this paper in my 'mementos' box along with other stuff. This is one of the things I would like to keep even if I go to college. It's our third year activity wherein we have to pass the paper to our classmates and they will write messages or describe the person who owns the paper. Ma'am Giegy's message caught my eye.

I miss Ma'am Giegy. She's our second year adviser and third year filipino teacher. Even if she's a filipino teacher, she uses her time in teaching us more about God and our catholic faith. She says that she teaches those things because she loves us. She's a very likeable teacher in our campus.

I've learned a lot from Ma'am Giegy. She taught us how to pray the Chaplet, she taught us the things we never knew about God. I believe that she brought me closer to God. When we are taking her test, it is really hard for us to cheat because she writes on the blackboard: Put up treasures in Heaven. Do not Cheat!

I think that she inspires students to be a better person. She always reminded us that mundane things are nothing in the eyes of God. Instead, what's important are the little acts of kindness we show to people. When we feel like giving up and when we feel that God isn't by our side, she always reminded us, 'When there is faith, there is no room for doubts.'

A face that launched a thousand ships

2007-05-27T22:35:00.000-07:00

I wanted to be the 'face'. The face that launched a thousand ships. I wanted to feel what it's like to be Helen of Troy. I wanted to feel what it's like to be beautiful, chiseled to perfection. I look at the mirror and find nothing but a hopeless and lonely girl who isn't good enough. My reflection tells me that I'm not something I always wanted to be. I'm not even close to being picture-perfect.

I wanted to be perfect. I loathe every flaw that I find in my body. I became very insecure for foolish reasons. I hated my teeth, my cheeks, my nose, my smile, every possible body part. I hated myself for my imperfections. I started to think, if I delete everything I hated, what would become of me? Nothing.

Those were the times.

Now, I wouldn't want to be the face that could launch a thousand ships. Who would want to cause Trojan war? Outside splendor can fool million eyes, but eventhough it can fool million eyes, all it needed was one pair. One pair to make her feel special, to make her see what real beauty really meant.

Charms could be deceiving, beauty can fade away, but a woman who could understand and embrace her imperfections, defines true beauty and contentment in life - that's better than launching a thousand ships.

Flag day

2007-05-27T05:10:00.000-07:00

I can't remember the exact date I wrote this essay. It was last year for our English class in second year. But this wasn't submitted anyway. I wrote another one. I found this in my old blog and had the idea of re-posting it for flag day is coming soon- flags should be hung infront of our homes, offices, and in all places. Note: Some parts were edited because it was too 'Gabriela Silang' for me.

Look at this place, isn't it neat? - Well, I'm not referring to the famous 'little mermaid' song. I'm referring to my accustomed hometown. I'm referring to the familiar faces that never failed to give smiles. I'm referring to the good old jeepneys, that transports me to designated routes. I'm referring to the dirty ice cream that my friends and I considered a cheap thrill. I'm referring to the muddled government. I'm referring to the filipinos, who have an unending quest for greener pastures.

I love my country. Heedless of its bad reputation, of its poor economy, of its chaotic government, of its dirty streets, of its slow progress, of its dubious future. I am one of those little voices who speak for our country. I am one of those people who would stand proud and say that I was born and raised in my dear country. I am one of those people who still participate and stand when the National Anthem is played in the last full shows in movies. I am one of those people who still think that the country has a lot to offer. I stand proud and justified.

Serendipity

2007-05-26T08:05:00.000-07:00

“. . . this discovery indeed is almost of that kind which I call serendipity, a very expressive word, which as I have nothing better to tell you, I shall endeavor to explain to you: you will understand it better by the derivation than by the definition. I once read a silly fairy tale, called The Three Princes of Serendip: as their highnesses travelled, they were always making discoveries, by accidents and sagacity, of things which they were not in quest of: for instance, one of them discovered that a mule blind of the right eye had travelled the same road lately, because the grass was eaten only on the left side, where it was worse than on the right--now do you understand serendipity?”

Now I know what the word 'Serendipity' really meant. I've read the story behind it. The word came from the three Princes of Serendip. The three men always make unexpected discoveries. I know that it's a myth, and it maybe made-up. The story just amazes me.

In real life, I know that Serendipity exists. It's not just a movie. The myth was trying to tell us that eventhough we live in a world full of glitches and misfortune, we never know what is up for us. We never know that in the midst of sorrow, we may find someone we don't expect or we may discover things we never knew.

If we find ourselves in an unlucky situation, all we have to do is believe. Believe in the power of Serendipity. It just takes time- but I know it will be worth the wait. Being down won't help us. It will just add misery to our lives. We should be happy just living our lives. Happiness will sneak through your open doors.

Maybe I'm just serendipitious enough to know the magic behind 'serendipity'.

I won't worry my life away

2007-05-24T08:25:00.000-07:00

This week was very tiring. I can't believe that I would survive!

I can't count the number of times I've said that I want to quit. Almost everyday I say to myself, 'I've had enough.' - But I still find myself doing those things the next day, hoping it will be okay. Hoping it won't be tiring as before. I still assume that everyday will turn out perfectly fine.

Isn't it quite ironic? I still say to myself that I should look to the bright side of things when I know there aren't any. I still pray every minute hoping that God would spare me. Sometimes, I want to do something that I can't. I'm afraid to.

I know that's my problem, being too afraid.

What I learned is that I am the one running my own life. People may laugh at me because I look awkward when I run, they may say something prejudicial about me behind my back, but I don't care. I make mistakes and I live with it. Isn't that about life? Learning from mistakes?

Just so you know, I'm very, very, very tired from the whole week basketball training. Four hours each day with a mere minute of water break isn't my typical scenario. I was really embarrassed of the whole training, because I didn't do well unlike the others. But I just laugh about it. I laugh because it's healthier than suffering from distress and wondering why I can't play basketball like Kobe Bryant.

Pawis

2007-05-23T08:38:00.000-07:00

Noong bata pa lamang sya, di nya sinanay ang kanyang sarili sa mga kadalasang ginagawa ng mga bata. Di siya nakalaro ng patintero, jackstones, sipa, ni simpleng habulan, di nya kayang gawin.

Sino ba sya? Walang iba kundi ako.

Oo, di ako nakaranas na maglaro ng mga ganun. Wala naman akong kalaro at di ako lumalabas ng bahay. Ang tanging inaasahan kong pampalipas oras noong ako'y bata pa lamang ay ang aking mga manika at ang mga iba't-ibang gamit sa bahay. Lahat na ng make-up ni mama aking ginalaw, lahat na ng kasangkapan sa kusina aking ginamit, lahat na ng libro aking binasa. Minsan pa nga ay pinagsasabihan na ako na maglaro nalang sa labas. Matigas din ang ulo ko, binalewala ko lang ang sinasabi nila. Ayoko ngang magpakapagod at mapawisan.

Pero importante rin pala ang sinabi nila. Importante pala na, kahit konte ay maranasan kong maglaro at mapawisan.

Di ko na maibabalik ang ilang taong pagkulong ko sa bahay. Ngayon ko lang nasisi ang sarili ko dahil sa wala akong nalikom na istorya. Ako'y naiinggit tuwing nagkukuwentuhan ng mga larong di ko naman alam kung ano. Pagdating ng panahon, ayoko rin naman na wala akong maikuwento sa aking mga anak tungkol sa pagkabata ko.

Totoo nga pala ang "second childhood". Ito'y aking nararanasan. Ngayong hayskul lang kasi ako nakaranas ng habulan, ng chinese garter, badminton at basketbol. Ngayon lang ako napagod ng dahil sa paglalaro. Kahit na ako'y napapawisan, masasabi ko na ako'y masaya. Masaya, dahil binigyan pa ako ng isang pagkakataong maging bata. May maikukuwento pa ako sa aking mga anak. May buhay pa pala sa labas ng bahay at pagpapaka-relax.

Kaya nga, di na ako masyadong natatakot tuwing ako'y pinapawisan pagkatapos ng isang laro ng chinese garter, habulan, basketbol o kahit anong trip ng aking mga kaibigan. Iniisip ko nalang na ang bawat patak ng pawis, ay nagdudulot ng sangkatutak na ligaya.

Will power

2007-05-23T06:50:00.000-07:00

Isn't it hard when our mind tells us to do something we don't like doing? Isn't it hard when our mind takes over our actions? Seems like we don't have a choice. Especially when our mind tells us to steal.

Kleptomaniacs are labeled as 'stealers' in the society. They can't help but steal, that's the bitter fact. Some kleptomaniacs do not know that what they're doing is bad. Their mind dictates them to steal. When they envy things that aren't theirs, as small as a pen or as big as a camera, they tend to steal it.

It's a psychological problem. I just question, Can I blame them? I know it's their "usual habit", but aren't they tired of it?

In the end, it's all about Will power. Self-control is hard to accomplish. It's hard because stealing is much easier. Instead of despising them, I want to help them. I want to help them realize that what they're doing is wrong. Stealing, regardless of the purpose and reason is wrong.

Slime for Ogres

2007-05-21T04:43:00.000-07:00

I really, really, really wonder... What's in that thing?

At first, I was absolutely disgusted. Its color resembles an earwax or the famous Nickelodeon slime. I don't know why people fall in line to get those stuff. Seeing it from afar made me wish that it shouldn't replace the usual sweet and sour or barbeque sauce.

After a few minutes, I got my own 'slime' as I prefer to call it. I tried it with my nuggets and realized that the 'slime' was yummy! It goes well with the nuggets. It's called 'honey mustard sauce'. The Shrek 3 meal is a must-try. It really made me feel like an Ogre. I feel like Fiona after eating it.

We're..er-They're playing Basketball

2007-05-21T03:48:00.000-07:00

An ordinary day turned out to be a very tiring day.

Grace came at my house and looked surprised. She said, 'Tara na, we will be late for our training!'

Only to realize that she was talking about the basketball training. So, I dressed up in my jersey thinking that somehow, the training would result to losing the extra pounds I gained.

Not! The training was suicide. Not only suicide, deadly passes, defense exercises, and most of all, humiliating myself. I am an amateur, unskillful of the sport. Three hours, no water break? Is Sir/Coach Anyong crazy? He was quite shocked seeing me in the training- I'm shocked seeing myself in the training too.

According to him, basketball isn't just about losing weight, or.. Boys. In order to get to the team, you really have to want it. You should have the skills, and you should be patient in the trainings. After all, Patience is a virtue.

Reasons of joining the team?

[] You have the skills
[] You are experienced
[] You are ready for the tiring trainings
[] You are patient
[] You are joining because of Extra-cirricular activity
[X] You are joining because you want to lose weight

Whew! I've learned my lesson. Never take anything for the wrong reason and purpose.

Killing me softly

2007-05-20T19:26:00.000-07:00

Last night, I can't sleep because of a very agonizing thing in my head. Well, I'm used to it since I accepted the fact that I have a migraine. Some people don't consider it as a heavy thing that can kill, but last night... It was killing me. Seriously.

I don't know how I got through the night. I didn't tell my mom because she would just say that it's my fault. Actually, it is. I have been overdosing two things that shouldn't be: Adobe and Coffee. Yes, they're the culprits.

Adobe, adobe, adobe! Everyone speaks of it, everyone is addicted to it. Did you know that Knoll Photoshop (now called, Adobe Photoshop) 1.0 can fit comfortably in a floppy disk? Aggh. Enough! I have to forget about Adobe. It makes me work all day and all night.

And Oh, Coffee. I'm fifteen but I drink a lot of Coffee. And I mean, a lot. I just love it so much and I thought that it's the only thing that keeps me sane. I was wrong, obviously. I learned that caffeine shortens my life. I realized that eventhough it can keep me awake, It cannot replace the hours of sleep I missed.

Never again will I entrust my leisure in these two. Never again.

Letting go isn't just for lovers

2007-05-19T08:16:00.000-07:00

I am now watching PBB, and I felt sympathy for Gee-ann. Not that she's crying for her fifteen-year-old doll, but about the choice she has to make. She has to give away 'Pamela', her doll to someone. I know that other people can't understand why it's hard for her to give away that doll, but I understand her.

There are things that people will value more than anything in their life, it maybe anything. Even if it's destroyed, damaged, out-of-date or whatsoever, it still means much to them. Like Gee ann's doll, it means much to her.

It reminds me of my toys I had back then. Especially my fuzzy teddy bears.

Every christmas, we always have to give toys for the children in Lola's church. Even if I don't like to give anything, I still manage to fake a smile and say 'Merry Christmas' to the church officials. But inside, it's hard to give something that I had just like that. Just by giving a box full of toys. I agree that there's much more to life than holding on to toys. But I can't replace the memories that I spent with those stuff. Nakaka-miss.

When I think about those toys, I just smile. I smile knowing that those toys are probably bringing smiles and laughs to other people. I smile because I know that through the mundane stuff, I can somehow, learn a lesson. And that is letting go.

Cluttered

2007-05-19T07:50:00.001-07:00

My cluttered desk.

Did you get what you prayed for? Book- To remind me that God works in mysterious ways. Whether or not I will get what I pray for, he has the best plans for me. He works in ways I never would've imagined. To remind me that he can say yes or no, I just have to trust in Him.

Other books - I don't know where to start. Everytime I scan those books, I still think about my ambitious desires and still ponder to myself, 'Can I really do this? Can I?' I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not. It's hard to stay positive.

Lipstick - The weapon of the future! Truth to be told: My mom uses lipstick whenever she gets zits. She ends up looking like a clown at night. I started to see how helpful it was, so I ended up looking like a clown myself, but it's really helpful.

Other stuff - Eventhough I'm so bored, and there's nothing to do, I don't know why I can't organize my room.

Pardon the cluttered post.

Havaianas craze

2007-05-19T06:52:00.000-07:00

I was astounded when my mom bought different pairs of Havaianas. I'm not a big fan of it though. I also thought that my mom didn't like Havaianas. I remember her still saying that she won't buy any pair because she finds it too expensive.

I have to agree with her. It's a mere flip flop, and summer is almost over. I can't wear it to school, and it's too valuable to wear it at home. I felt guilty for my mom. I felt guilty for her buying pairs and pairs of Havaianas- and it's not just a cheap find.

I saw the havaianas, just looking at them made my eyes hurt! I can't believe that they cost a fortune. Then I started to try one pair, then another, then another... Oh my! It gets addictive. I guess that's why people can't resist it.

Haayy. I hope that my craze for havaianas won't get worse.

For the sake of my fame

2007-05-17T02:05:00.000-07:00

I have seen a clip on YouTube, it's a Parody of a Hilary Duff music video. It was originally aired on MadTV. They made a pretend video of Hilary Duff's "Beat of my heart", they changed the title into, "For the sake of my fame." Eventhough the video is quite senseless, it speaks the truth. It's all about the Hollywood drama, about getting thin, etc. I guess it's their way of saying that their 'madness' has gone too far.

(For the sake of my fame)

I'm obsessing about what goes in my mouth,

I got really thin, so now my bones stick out,

you have to believe in the hollywood scene,

you have to weigh less than those other teen queens,

my bones have no meat,

here look at my chest you can see my heart beat,

if I keep this up, my organs will shut.

It's for the sake of my fame.

Tabloids put you to shame, for every pound that you gain,

and it's hard to stay sane, when you're starving your brain,

Paris Hilton's so thin, that's the look that is in,

who cares about brains, when you're a blonde skeleton?

have you seen lindsay? She's a size minus three.

She'll fill out her pants (...and Nicole Richie)

My dinner is sick.

Is my mouth getting small or my teeth getting big?

I weigh, I weigh, everyday.

For the sake of my, for the sake of my, for the sake of my fame.

Funny, yet alarming.

Tastes like heaven

2007-05-16T09:24:00.000-07:00

It surprises me how characters with small roles in movies/series can teach me something. Like Brad, a former football player who became very weak because of Aids. I have finished the koreanovela 'Love story in Harvard' in a span of two months- without skipping, that is. And Brad, who isn't really part of the main cast, touched me. He kept me thinking about what he said. 'Water, tastes like heaven.'

When he was asked what he wanted, he just replied, "Water. Tastes like heaven, after every game." I began to wonder, why would he compare water to heaven? I mean, I drink lots of water everyday, and still find myself wondering... Is this heaven? I expected more than this, I admitted.

I don't feel the magic Brad feels.

But as I started to think deeply, I found the meaning behind his words. We may find simple things, ordinary- we do not find its importance because we are too blinded by the glitz around us. Just after the glitz- the pain, and the trouble do we find that all we needed were the simplest things. Like the water.

a message from the heart

2007-05-15T08:24:00.000-07:00

Dear Brain,

At one point of your life, you seemed to be so happy. So happy about what you have achieved, what you have wanted for a long time. You were so happy because you did your best, and it all paid off. Suddenly, you started to think again. You started to look at what other people have. You started to compare their achievements to yours'. They sure did a better job, did they? They made you feel so small. You were jealous of what they have. You want it, you want to have more and more until you reach the top. You started to hate yourself because you can't be good enough, and you can't have all. Suddenly, all the happiness that you felt, disappeared. All the things that you did, seemed worthless. You let other people get in your way- and you strive to be on top not because you want to, but because you have to. You think that you're always right. You think you know it all. But, trust me... You don't know it all. You think too much.

You were wrong to feel hate towards yourself. You were wrong to let jealousy rule over you. You were wrong to assume that others are better than yourself. Remember, you aren't the only one who rule a body. There are other systems that support you. So, how could you belittle yourself? In our own world, we think that you're the best. God put you on top of us, so don't feel down. Listen to yourself, think about your real purpose. That is, to assign us what to do and be the best in your own standards, not on others'. Most of all, don't forget to listen to me. Try to listen to me.

Lovingly,
Heart a.k.a. Your greatest fan.

Be like mike, or his' brother

2007-05-13T20:06:00.000-07:00

I have known Michael Jordan as a basketball star. The world knows Michael Jordan as a basketball star. We look up to him in his' basketball days because he is simply, the best. He knows his moves on the court. I see him as one of the greatest ballers of all time, who brought his team to glory. What I didn't know is that he has a brother, Sgt. James Jordan, who headed off to Iraq for a special mission.

He loves his job, and he has dedicated his life in the army. He has his own way of making his own name. He said, "If you don't believe in selfless service, you are not going to make it in this business."

Personally, I think that James Jordan is a great example of how, despite of the popularity his brother bought to their last names, we could do something in our own way. We all have a mission to accomplish.

So, are you going to be Like Mike... Or Like his' brother?

A silent thought

2007-05-13T03:05:00.000-07:00

May 11, 2007 [Friday]
Seattle University, Washington

I recieved a mail from Seattle University last friday, regarding my application in their University. I was surprised since I didn't apply or sign up any application. For goodness sake, i'm still not ready! My mom e-mailed the University about the mail I have received.

It seems that I'm destined to have a fast-forward life. Still, I'm not ready. I'm not even ready for my senior life. Reality check!

Long live Audrey

2007-05-13T02:27:00.000-07:00

From the moment I first saw her at 'Breakfast at Tiffany's', I knew she would be my favorite fashion icon. She's elegant, yet very simple in appearance. Her signature look, the classy black dress- is still very popular. These are her very practical beauty tips that never fail to work:

For attractive lips, Speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, Seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, Share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, Let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, Walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone.
People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed;

Never throw out anybody.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, The figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, Because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, But true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, And the beauty of a woman with passing years-only grows!

She is also a dedicated to UNICEF, and she has established a children's fund: http://www.audreyhepburn.com/

Ma, Mommy, Mamita

2007-05-12T09:13:00.000-07:00

Tommorow would be a day for all Moms in the world. A day for my mom-mama-mommy-mamita, or whatever I call her. I still remember upto this day about our class' homeroom activity. We have to prepare a message for our moms written in a piece of paper. Ma'am Cindy (our adviser), would give it to them on the distribution of report cards' day.

I wrote: 'Mama... Hello.'

Wow. What a message! I don't know what to write and say. But, I guess she understands me. I have been like that to her, speechless. Haha!

I look at her young pictures, seeing my own reflection. All people say that I'm her 'carbon copy'. They say she looked like me when she was at my age, and often, elders mistaken me for her.

For my mom who didn't allow me to have a sleepover at my prom, for my mom who makes endless and long sermons everytime I make a mess, for my mom who complains about my poor taste in clothes, for the mom who always tells me I'm 'maarte', for my mom who complains about my being too 'bungisngis', for my mom who shops more than I do but never sees it, happy mother's day!

...And for all the moms in the world, a happy mother's day to all of you too.

Halalan 2007

2007-05-12T01:03:00.000-07:00

I am not one of those activists who rally on the streets, demanding for a change, thinking of the unjust crimes that they were victimized thereof. I'm just deeply annoyed by the campaign posters around the walls and the flyers sattered along the streets.

When I got out of the house, a certain kid caught my attention. He had a hammer and a campaign poster, and probably, a nail too. Yes, he did what I thought he would never do. He found the peaceful tree, and nailed the poster. Isn't that illegal? I actually felt pity for the kid, because they used him, without teaching him what is wrong and what is right.

This is not my first time to hear stories about Philippine Elections. A year ago, someone told me his' election experience. A strange looking person approached him, and was trying to buy his vote... It's a pity to hear what a cadidate would do to win.

After the elections, who would dare clean up this mess? Those walls plagued with posters?

There are lots of talk shows, documentaries, and other things that convince us to vote and how we waste our votes by not voting at all. Tsk. I just hope that the newly elected senators would do something. It's not upto the hands of those who vote, but rather to the ones who will be elected.

(Ako si Gabriella Silang, kaya huwag na kayong magtaka kung bakit ako nakasulat nito. Haha.)

burned-out

2007-05-10T19:20:00.000-07:00

I have been reading a lot of books lately, especially educational books. I'm so sick and tired of reading them, but it's a requirement. I don't know why a very unusual book came across my room. It's a book of written reflections and realizations of a burned-out survivor, 'When God tells you to rest'. Since I was feeling bored and tired, I checked it out. What I didn't know is that, I am a burned-out patient myself.

There are symptoms of being burned-out. Feeling tired, depressed and giving up- are examples. I feel those symptoms each and every day. It's summer, but I'm not having fun. I still have five books to study! Sometimes, I just want to give up and ask myself why the hell am I doing those things. These past few days, I have wondered how easy it is for other people to be on top, and how hard it is for me to get there. I'm feeling so dumb that I can't accomplish anything. That everything I do, isn't worth doing.

Stress -> Depression -> Burn-out

I am sorry to turn this post into a bundle of complaints and drama. It's just that I've been somewhat traumatuzed of a particular incident that happened recently. It made me feel so stupid. I felt so angry at myself because of that. They thought that I would do better. But I failed to show them my best. That's why I'm feeling down. I have the feeling of losing everything I earned. Burned-out.

The author of the book is Flor Ulan-Taylor. I think she's like Julia Campbell, because she's a volunteer and has stayed in the Philippines. She says, 'I have thought that taking refugee is hiding from all my problems. But I have found the real refugee in God.'

Sigh. I hope someday I can get something from all of these sacrifices I have to do.

dreams or signs?

2007-05-06T07:41:00.000-07:00

Are dreams meant to tell us something? Are those signs?

I have been dreaming weird things lately. Surreal things. It's like hidden messages, signs. I never thought of it that way before. I thought of dreams as nothing more than mere hallucinations. I thought that they were secret wishes that I want to accomplish and I want to have. Just these nights, I realized its true meaning and what it wants me to do.

These weird dreams keep bothering me everyday. I just want to say it all out. I want to share it to my mom, my friends, and to everyone who's involved. It's hard keeping it all inside, but I'm trying. I think that dreams should be kept secret until it comes true.

You see things;

and you say, "Why?"

But I dream things that never were;

and I say, "Why not?"

- James Bernard Shaw

Thank God for the ugly photos

2007-05-03T03:13:00.000-07:00

I was looking at these pictures, browsing them to my multiply account and I can't believe how hideous they look. These pictures have been the ugliest, most barbaric, shots in my life. I look so stupid in the pictures: The first one, was taken by Adet- while Grace was... er- painting (?) my face. The second one was taken at chinese new year, we were posing our 'handsome' look. And the last picture, was taken at Paradise while we were sunbathing.

It's not a photo that I would want to upload in my friendster or myspace. Even if they are not the model-material pictures, even if I'm not a model-material person, years from now, when I will reminisce the moments of my life looking in these pictures, I would proudly say, "That's me!" because even how ugly they look, it never fails to bring me to the good times.

Deleting it is the last thing that I would do. It's probably true that the ugliest photos are taken in the best moments of your life. The ugliest photos are the truest moments of my life. It's fun taking ugly photos sometimes. I know it sound weird, but it never fails to crack me up.

Sigh. I surely miss these moments. These are the few of my happiest captured moments. Ugly as they are, they never fail to make me smile whenever I see them.. Thank God for ugly photos.

Learning from Spiderman

2007-05-02T04:31:00.000-07:00

I've always liked Spiderman. I watched its third installment this afternoon with Mami Chay and Darron. I was caught in the Spiderman craze and found myself loving the movie. It's not just because James Franco (a.k.a. Harry Osborn) was uberly hot, but also because of the lesson I got from the movie. Even if it was an action movie, it still taught me a thing or two.

When Peter Parker was so angry at his' Uncle Ben's killer, auntie May calmed him down saying: "He doesn't want us to live with revenge in our hearts. Like a poison, it can take us over." - The most cliched line, where I always hear it on everyone's mouth.

But it's not that easy to forgive and forget is it? Even if it's a fictional story, it has a message that we ought to realize. I am going to a lot of problems as of this moment, and I want to get back to the people who have caused all my pains- until I saw the movie.

For me, the black thing in the movie sort of symbolized the revenge that we want. It can feel good at the beginning, but it will only damage our life. It can take over us, but we never realize it. When we try to get rid of it, it mybe too late.

As Peter Parker said, we all have choices. And we can choose to be right. A proverb not to be forgotten: Forgiveness is the sweetest revenge.

I decide

2007-04-29T23:29:00.000-07:00

Upon watching the movie "Keeping the faith", I have picked up a quote that was said by Father Havel: "You made a commitment, and you have to renew it everyday, again and again." This quote inspired me a lot, not only can priests connect theirselves with this quote, but all of us in different situations.

My situation is the same thing that incoming seniors have been worrying about, College entrance exams. Last week, my mom urged me to go to Manila to take review classes together with my cousin. I was half and half at that time. I didn't know what I was thinking, a week has passed and in Manila, they're starting their review classes already.

I regret my choice of not going to Manila. I know I had made a mistake, because that review classes can help me a lot in the entrance exams. I am not capable of such tests, because I tend to become nervous. Getting in to my dream university means much to me. I don't even know where to start explaining why I would like to go there.

To have atleast, an idea of how difficult entrance tests would be, I bought reviewer books. As I looked through the books, Ohboy! I'm in deep trouble! The questions were mostly the topics discussed in our past highschool years, but I can't seem to remember the answer to any question.

I lost hope. I know my dream university will remain in my dreams. I want to make my remaining summer days useful. I want to get it, I'm determined to. Dreams are for those who dream, and I have to believe in my dream.

My fifteen trademarks

2007-04-29T21:21:00.000-07:00

Rules of the game:
Each player of this game starts off with 15 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 15 weird habits/things/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end, you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names. No tag backs. (Note: I am so sorry, because some of the things I listed below isn't weird for me. Apologies.)

1. I have a tendency to go insane- In a good way, I think. I'm the type of girl when everyone goes sad, I world run around, sing out-of-tune, jump around and play.

2. I have tons of crushes and counting. From korean boy bands to hunky ballers, I have them all on my 'want' list. I am not boy crazy, my eyes just fool me often.

3. I care about the world. Yeah, I just can't stop getting into people's business. If someone has a problem, I help them if I can. I don't butt in to their problems, but If they ask me any advice, I don't just give them advice, but listen as well.

4. I like to be a kid once again. I haven't gotten a chance wherein I was in complete happiness in my childhood days. I can't remember any experience where I had played a lot, the running, playing hide-n-seek, and all the usual games that kids play, because I was holding upon barbie dolls and books, because I had no one to play with- How sad is that? :(

5. I laugh a lot. My friends call me "bungisngis" because even after a minute of laughtrips, I still laugh a lot. I laugh at the lamest jokes, I laugh at the littlest things, I laugh at my problems, I laugh out loud, even in crowded places. They stare at me like some kind of psycho who has a mental problem, but I really don't care, since I can't stop laughing.

6. I am a shy person. Honestly speaking, I tend to be very uncomfortable to the people whom I just met. I am not a sociable person, I don't speak well in public and I am a bad conversationalist. When people start the speaking, that's the time, I'll follow.

7. I like Basketball, Soccer and Tennis a lot. I am not a sporty person, but I would like to know how to play these sports. I think it's a great way to have fun.

8. I love to cook. I love cooking, and I hope to become a cook. I don't know why I love the hobby so much, but I do. When I was still a little kid, I cook dinners and desserts for my family. Our helper even complained about my being "too helpful" in the kitchen.

9. Writing is my comfort. Everytime I have an urge to cry, or be happy, I write it. One of my dreams is to become an author.

10. I want to become a fashion designer. I want to own a boutique, design my own clothes and see them on the runway. What could get any better?

11. I love doing the math! No matter what, I won't get angry at math. Despite of how difficult they are, I still find ways to learn them. In typical school days, when I have math assignments that I can't figure out, I stay late at nights. I just don't know why.

12. Blood and dogs are my worst enemies. The top phobias that I have, are these two. These culprits make me weak and scared everytime I encounter any of them.

13. I am a vain person on the inside. What I mean is, vanity is in my blood but I don't show it to the whole world. I spend too much time in the mirror, but I do it when I'm alone in my room. I take pictures of myself, but some pictures, I just keep it to myself.

14. I am independent. I don't thing my friends would say this, but I would. Nowadays, I am very independent. I know what I want and I get what I want, on my own way. I am very proud of myself, because unlike before, I can cross the street without any help, I can go to the bank and deposit, all by myself, I can go to the mall alone, and all the things I would've never expected.

15. I am an ambivert. I like talking to others, and spending time with others, but I also like er-talking to myself and spending time with myself.

I guess, that's it! I don't know whom to tag, so, I guess I'll probably tag those who wants to be tagged. Happy tagging!

Happiest place on Earth

2007-04-26T21:03:00.000-07:00

Upto this day, I still wonder... Where the happiest place on earth really is. Is it on Disneyland alone? At home? In our dream destination? Or in Cyberspace? Different people have different point of views. It's not only in Disneyland that we get to see contentment in people's eyes. It may look that it is the happiest place on earth, but it's not a guarantee. For me, the happiest place on Earth is Paris. I haven't gone there yet, but I just think it's the happiest place on Earth. It has a peaceful whiff that I have been wanting.

I have always wanted to go travelling. Eventhough my life isn't exactly a life of a jet-setter, I have always wanted to go from one place to another. Going to Paris is like a dream for me- I don't know why I find the city so amusing, but it just gives a different vibe when someone mentions it.

Everything in Paris surprises me. The Eiffel Tower is one of my favorite city attraction. It makes my heart flutter just seeing it, even in pictures. Indeed, it has its magic that could make people happy. Another thing that I like in Paris is the people's fashion sense. They are fashionable in an effortless way. I think that French women (and men, of course) are very artistic and are able to express themselves. The Louvre museum can prove that.

I hope that someday, I can go to the happiest place on earth. Even just for a day- I won't waste a single hour.

Some balikbayans and "Filopinos"

2007-04-25T21:30:00.000-07:00

I have seen yesterday, reading the newspaper(yes, I do!)- an editorial feature, entitled "Balikbayans". I can't believe at how true her article was. I was putting my shoes on hers and thinking about my relatives who had paid us for a visit.

My cousins, Jana and Drina, are two of my closest cousins. Since we practically grew up together, played imaginary houses, pigged out and goofed around when we were still little. They had moved to Australia since Tito Bobby, their father, decided to move.

When they laid their first step in the house, I was wondering who those Aussie girls were. It took me a minute to realize that these grown ladies, I was facing with- were my cousins whom I spent my childhood years with. They had been transformed to your typical-american/australian teenagers. They can hardly understand tagalog and they can't speak the language.

We were not as open as before, since it was awkward for me to speak. The reason why I couldn't be as carefree as I am to them before was that they had an accent that I couldn't imagine they will develop. They aren't the same 'kulit' girls that I had played houses and dolls with.

When they were here, they realized how hot it was. I know, I share the same complaint too. But unlike them, I am used to it. It has always been hot in Davao. They asked me how many seasons we have, and I answered, "Two. Tag-init at tag-ulan." I smiled thinking that, it's the truth. If they have four, I proudly say that I have two. I was amazed when they told me about their own culture, the snow, the school, the environment. Am I so ignorant that one of my greatest wants was to touch snow when they probably step on it in their winter season?

Sigh. Life's never fair. But as I come to conclusions, I am still lucky that I didn't grow up like them. No matter how beautiful their life can be in Australia, I will pass the chance to live there and struggle my life in this conservative province. I know they want to live in here too. My cousins love Jollibee and would trade Chicken Joy for any Australian Lamb they have.

I found this on Jana's multiply...

"my name is jahana carmelli. i am pure filopino and very proud. i love my family! the uy's and the maneze's! they are great! i love my mum, dad and sister! special shoutout to my cousin yana! thanks for being great to me! i love taking photos! typical filo xD i love shopping! i love the philippines!"

See? I also congratulate her because she's the batch Valedictorian in their school at Australia. A good example at how "Filopinos" (as she prefer to call it) stand out in every country they are. Ang Pilipino malalayo sa Pilipinas, pero ang Pilipinas, di malalayo sa mga Pilipino.

GenSan Experience

2007-04-17T17:49:00.000-07:00

The road was empty, no sign of busy people. It was a quiet Sunday when we arrived to General Santos City. Though it was my first time to go to the city, I easily predicted where the people were. They were at their homes watching the big event that could once again bring glory to the Philippines, the Pacquiao-Solis fight.

My predictions were right. When we went to the KCC mall of GenSan, a large crowd caught my attention. They were in a particular store and they were cheering so loud as if they were in a 'sabungan'. I had no idea what they were upto, who they were cheering, or whatever.

As we got closer, all my questions were answered. They were watching the fight in the television, and they were cheering for, of course, the pride of GenSan- Manny 'Pacman' Paquiao. I think the cheering helped even of the fight was in other country because he won.

It was alarming to see that the whole place, the whole city in particular, evolved around the 'Pambansang Kamao'. I can see his campaign banners everywhere, his face everywhere, and I think in a place like GenSan- people can conclude that this is the place where Manny Pacquiao started.

I started to think about him being a Congressman. If he will win the election, he may not bring back the glory to himself and to our country. He won't be able to fight like what he has been doing for the past few years. I'm not saying that people shouldn't vote for him. Just think first before voting for him.

Sweetest things

2007-04-12T23:14:00.000-07:00

I love sweet.

My friend has migrated to Melbourne, Australia last December 2005. This day, I had the chance to chat with her. Although it was different from directly talking to her, I felt that I was somehow reconnecting with her. As usual, I asked how her life has been, and vice versa. I missed her not just because she was one of my close friends but also because the idea of not being able to see her in person and not being able to talk to her that much when she was still with us- came to my mind.

It has been months since I logged in to YM. That means, it has also been months since I 'reconnected' with her. We reminisced about our crazy chikas and crazy experiences back in our sophomore life. And yeah, I'm now facing my last year in highschool life.

The same goes with my other friends that are in different parts of the world. I really miss them. I miss talking to them and being with them. I miss the moments that we've spent. When I will be in College, probably this madness will get worse.

I guess this is a part of life that I have to face. There will be times that I'll be facing the world alone and I got no choice. I'm just really lucky because I still have lots of friends that'll walk with me.

Note to self: Never miss a chance to tell them how much I love them and how important they are in my life before it's too late.

True colors

2007-04-11T08:57:00.000-07:00

Imperfections. We all have these. These silly imperfections that makes us think that we're not good enough. Sometimes we just ponder the question to ourselves, 'Am I ugly?'. The bitter fact that we're not perfect makes our confidence shrink. It pushes us to the limits, makes us insecure and pushes us to belittle what God has given to us.

Imperfections gives us the urge to struggle to be perfect. It urges us to diminish even the littlest imperfections. When we aren't good enough, we feel we never would be accepted in a society that we always wanted. We feel that we never would be beautiful because we thought so.

Based on experience, I myself wanted to be perfect. I wanted to be an ideal girl. The kind of girl that everyone would love. Everytime I looked in the mirror, I hated myself more and more. I wanted to have a great skin, great body, and all that- simply because I wanted to be beautiful. Thinking that life was unfair for someone like me who's not-so-flattering-drop-dead-gorgeous-ordinary-girl. But I assured to myself, "God surely doesn't know how to make junk." He made us special in our own way. Finally, I admitted to myself, I can't be perfect. We all can't.

I have happpened to check the Dove Self-esteem fund website. It's really something else. Because instead of promoting beauties that we usually see on the media, they present to us the real beauty that we ourselves are often blind to see. The countless stories I have read in their website was touching. It moved me to see that eventhough, we all have our set of complaints about ourselves, someone will think that we are perfect in their eyes.

We seem to think that the idea of beauty are those we see in magazines, televisions, movies, in the red carpet- that gets all the glitters and gold. But they aren't all that. There's more to life than making ourselves suffer for the imperfections that we are born with. Beauty is self-defined.

As the saying goes, "Some people show their beauty because they want everyone to see it. Some people hide their beauty because they want everyone to see beyond it."

To see their website, click: http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/

Absolutely Bored

2007-04-09T21:07:00.000-07:00

This is bad. The only thing that's keeping me alive is the world wide web, the few trips to the mall, and the food that's keeping me fat. I don't know how to enjoy my summer. I like going to the beach, but I don't like to spend too much time in there. I don't like to be soaked in the hot sun for so long. It makes me want to wish snow. It's getting hotter everyday. Sheessh! It's killing me.

Anyway, I don't know what to write since there has been nothing (and absolutely nothing) going on in my life. I'm trying to keep myself busy but everytime I try to do such foolish things, I realize how useless it is. What shall I do? Haaaaayyyy.

Ayway, I'll try not to post useless stuff. I'll just continue to bang my head in the wall.

Summer, summer, summer!

2007-03-20T06:51:00.000-07:00

Summer is a time for resting. A time to unwind, enjoy the things unable to be done at school days. Like taking a vacation or taking a trip to our fave beaches. Whatever's up for me, I don't want to waste my summer again. I've done that many times. Like last year, all I did the whole summer is starve. I can't say that I have regret what I've done, because it made me happier. Honestly, it made me more confident. But it also made me wiser.

I am making myself busy- means that I'm really not busy, but I'm making myself preoccupied. Haha. It's better for my health than do nothing and starve. I have a few options: Gym and work-out, consider badminton as my summer sport, getting in-touch with other teentalkers, bumming around the beach and other blahs.

So, I'm really, really bored since my family won't be going anywhere. I've got a thread at Candy Teentalk. I just made that out of boredom. It's called "El Ultimo Baile (the last dance)". Here's the link: http://www.candymag.com/teentalk/index.php/topic,144680.0.html

Hope you like it. :)

cheers!

2007-03-10T03:31:00.000-08:00

I can finally feel the essence of summer. I've had enough of those requirements- chasing teachers everywhere, doing endless projects and all the blahs that I have been doing. It's so tiring and I'm really stressed out. We won't know the final test results, so I just have to wish and pray.

Aww... I will miss third year life. It was really different this year. I will miss everyone! (Drama again?) Seriously, everyone and everything! I will miss Ma'am Espanto's "silence now" phrase, Ma'am Cindy's katarayan Sir Edmar's corny jokes, Ma'am Rhea (she's not gonna be in school next year, btw), Ma'am Dep who caused us so much trouble, My periodic table, Ma'am Giegy's chaplet, Pearl class... There's too much to mention!

I learned so much this schoolyear. At first, I thought that this year will be for collecting of points for extra, doing serious business, etsetara. But, as the days gone by, I realized that it wasn't any of it. It doesn't matter so much to me anymore. All that matters to me now is to cherish the moments while I still can.

Amazing. I learned a lot about life, friends, family, love, happiness... I hope that next year will be as wonderful as this. =)

more pictures at: http://yanamarisse.multiply.com

busy bee

2007-03-04T04:32:00.000-08:00

I got busier because of all these schoolwork! Sometimes I just wanna quit. There's too much work to do, requirements to finish and other things that's making me totally insane. Well, since my last post, these are the things that happend to me.

1. Ma'am Giegy's surprise - Since it was Ma'am Giegy's birthday last February 17, we decided to surprise her last tuesday. We bought her a chocolate cake and balloons. Then, we sung a birthday song. She was really happy. She told, "mabuti pa kayo, naalala nyo. Yung ngayong Ivory [our section in 2nd year] di naalala." Awww. Tampo ba?

2. Daphne's surprise - Yeah! It was Daphne's 16th birthday last February 25.We prepared her a cake. A really nice cake, with her face on it. Haha. After singing her the happy birthday song, Grace got a little piece of icing and ta-daa! Daphne's all messed up. Not to mention, the cake was ruined.

3. Goldilocks visit - Goldilocks went to our school for the 'design a cake' contest. It was our chem period and Ma'am Dep wasn't there, so we decided to go to the gym to have our pictures taken with her.

4. Prom pictures trading - I am a collector myself. I've had many pictures collected. But I dislike (in other words, HATE) my prom picture this year. Think: Eyebags, fake smile, stiffness, paranoid moments.

5. Baboy - I've gained so much weight. Seriously. I just eat and eat and eat and eat some more. Yeee... How can I lose weight? Any suggestions?

more pictures on: http://yanamarisse.multiply.com

Kung Hei Fat Choi!

2007-02-19T01:54:00.001-08:00

新年快樂 !

Happy Chinese New Year, Everyone! Last friday, we had celebrated the chinese new year at our school. We had the mass and I volunteered as an offerer. I had difficulty in finding what to wear because we had no "tiongiang" (spelling, please?). Good thing Faj brought one, but it was sleeveless. I'm afraid what Ma'am Cindy will say about it, so I asked Adet to bring hers. And what I did? I layered them both. After the mass, Kimberly gave each of us a tikoy. Yihee! Thanks, Kim.

So, the whole morning, we had nothing to do but stay in the gym. I had decided to be absent in the afternoon because I was too lazy and my eyes were red. Haha. I don't think it's sore eyes. It's my own fault too. Anyways, we had a simple celebration at home, and I ate a lot! I gained a lot of weight lately. Haaayyyy. Whatever- babawi ako sa summer. Haha.

The anniversary

2007-02-18T00:16:00.000-08:00

Yeah! The girls and I spent the saturday together. It was our first anniversary- we weren't complete though. We watched "The Messengers". Whew! It was scary. I shouted many times- I was so scared and every five minutes, I let out a loud scream. Magkaka-heart attack na ata ako eh. I am not used to scary movies. I can only count in my hand the scary movies I watched. I conclude this was the scariest one. Yeah, I'm pretty lame. Haha!

Then, we had our picture taken at Yoyong's. It was taking much of our time because we had the 'amot-amot' system. Oh well, at least we had fun. We were so crazy when we entered the studio. Grace took out her camera and, click! Click here, click there, click everywhere. Vanity fair of the vain ones! And I am part of those. After we still can't find the cure for our vanity, so we still had the picture taking outside the studio. We even had taken a picture of our bags. Vain talaga!

Then we had gotten to Mcdo. I had to go home because my Mom wouldn't allow me to go to Damosa with Grace, Farida, Daphne, Thea, Kayan, Quennie, etc. Haayy. Anyway, I guess they had fun. I have a fever again! - It's not that high but my mom let me take vitamins because every week I would get sick. Anyway, Happy Anniversary Lollipop Girls!

My girls

2007-02-17T06:26:00.000-08:00

To my lolligirls,

Yey! It's our first anniversary. I remember this date because of course, a year ago- in this same date, we had our field trip. Right? It's also Ma'am Giegy, our ever loving adviser's birthday. Hahayy. One year na pala tayong nagsama-sama. All I would like to say is, thank you so much. Thank you for accepting me as I am and thank you for being there. Lemme tell you what I learned from a year... First, I learned that the best things in life are free (by Grace!). Haha. Seriously. I learned that it's not important how much you have to sacrifice, but the important thing is to take time to smell the flowers. Relax and chill. I also learned that we will always stick by each other and there are some people who'll stay eventhough how imperfect I look in other's side. Kahit napapa-away ako, all of you were there, nagpapatawa just to make me smile. I still remember Q's vain smile whenever I want to cry. It never fails to bring me smiles and it turns my dark days into happy ones. I also learned that despite of our differences, we still understand each other. I know that sobra-mega-ultimate tripper of all ako, but you still understood me. I promise to change myself. Thank you for making my life so colorful. You have always been true angels (or devils!) to me. Haha! They say that good friends will bail you out of jail in prison, but true friends will sit by your side and whisper, "damn. we messed up!" It's probably true. Remember the prom incident? Haaay. I thought that I won't be able to join, but there I was, with Grace and Angel. My partners-in-crime. And whenever I need comfort and someone telling me it will be okay, I find comfort in Adet. I can surely tell my problems to her and she would surely listen. Kahit senseless na sinasabi ko about my 'flings', tinitiis parin ni Farida. Thank you! At si Shawie, she always make me feel happy. Of course, if I am longing to talk about my uaap crushes, I turn to Daphne, Thea and Kayan. You are surely upated! Haha. I also learned to be selfless. To be a person for others. Kimberly, Pam, Fajee you are the girls that made my life wackier! Haha. And to all you seventeen brats, Thank you so much. I'm sorry if sometimes I get sensitive and nag-iinarte. I'm trying to change that attitude nowadays. I'm so sorry if I have hurt you. I'm so sorry for the hurting words I have said. Pagtiyagaan nyo na, loka talaga ako eh. I'm so happy because you became part of my life. Kahit nahihirapan tayo na magbalanse sa studies, kasi running for valedictorian tayo- sa trippings, kasi madaming 7 at 8- sa lahat lahat, I know you'll stay the same. Just a little letter to thank you for a year of crazy, wacky, happy moments! Sana, time comes that we would still reminisce those moments. I don't know what is up for me, what is up for us- come what may nalang- I'm glad to be Lolli-tripper. Haha. Love you!

V-day

2007-02-15T20:24:00.000-08:00

Happy hearts day everyone!

My valentines day were just like any ordinary days. I didn't even know it was the v-day until I arrived at school. The gates were full of vendors, selling flowers, balloons and other whatnots. As I entered th school, there were sweet couples and other boys patiently waiting for their loved ones holding either flowers, teddy bears, chocolates, cakes, balloons... The list goes on! How sweet of them.

Me? I just spent my valentines day with my friends, my family and myself. I spent my valentines day doing happy things for others and not thinking about me too often. I became selfless and prioritize others for a change. Angel, Kimberly, Grace and Daph were I can conclude, the happiest people among us.

But I'm also happy too. I spent the day with no worries. I spent my day with everyone and not just for one person, but to the world. I don't want to think that I'm reserved. I'm not. As I see the mushy couples around thinking how sweet they could be, I also think that's it is not bad to be spending this day with no special someone. The truth is, I have a special someone, and that is God. I guess it was God's will that He made me happy this day.

Promenade adventures

2007-02-11T03:01:00.000-08:00

At long last, Prom is finally over. That day was full of embarrassing, disappointing, crazy moments! All were memorable but sometimes, I wish I could turn back time. If only. Haha.

7 a.m. > I was already awake due to excitement. I had my nails done- colorless to be simple. I fit my dress, it was so tight! I can't breath and obviously, I gained weight.

9 a.m. > Breakfast was McDo. I overate. Hash brown + french fries + iced tea. I didn't care if I wouldn't fit in the dress.

11 a.m. > Tita Cherry and I went to SM. I had been booked for a make-up at Salon de Rose. Gosh, it wasn't what I expected. The hairdresser quickly made-up my face without even asking me what I wanted. I didn't like what she had done because I looked like a dog (in my opinion). So, I let my mom come over the salon, then I cried. My mom told me it was okay but then I went crazy, I wanted a different motif- particularly a silver one. So, she redid my make-up and I ended up late. After, I went to 1001 photography with my prom dress on! Embarrassing, but it was okay because I wasn't the only one who was in my dress. The assistant had mistaken me as a koreana so she talked to me in somewhat weird way. Haha! I was rushing and so was the whole studio because there were so many people who had their picture taken.

4:30 p.m. > I went to photolusion to join the girls for their group picture. The studio was also crowded and we were hungry. Good thing the photographer was a good comedian. Or we would've complained about the studio's little space.

5:00 p.m. > I arrived at school when the teachers had been seated at the lobby. They were looking so fierce. Ma'am Cindy shouted at me, "Dianna! Halika! Halika!" Then, I became nervous. I had a clue that I had disobeyed the dress code. But as I see it, I followed the rules. She shouted at me, infront of all the juniors, seniors and the teachers that were there. That time, I started to hate her. She had embarrassed me infront of all the people that were there. Grace, Angel and I nervously waited at the "receiving room" and patiently waited for a way so I can enter the gym. I texted Mami Chay, she said I'd use her jacket instead. Arghh!

6:00 p.m. > There I was in the gym looking like a grandmother. The jacket totally ruined my outfit. It was so embarrassing to be dancing in the crowd looking like a lola. I had regret that moment because my dress was totally covered. So, we first ate. My tablemates were: of course, Lino Bangayan my partner. Farida Ong with Arlen Ching her partner. Donna Mangilet and Kimberly Ramos with their partner Kevin Ang, and Angel Espino with her partner Stuart Fernandez. Lino broght me a yellow corsage (Thanks, Lino!). My tablemate were so funny and they saved me from boredom. Kevin offered me his coke since he broght 2. Stuart, Kevin and Arlen treated their meals as "buffet" and eat-all-you-can (so was Erik!). We had to march with our partners then we were given broken hearts. All of us, the juniors and seniors should find their match. Gosh, it was so disappointing because I didn't find my match. My heart was no. 124. I guess I'm still looking for him, my Mr. 124.

8:00 p.m. > The prom titles' candidates were announced. The best dressed, full bloom, mr. and ms. valentine, prom king and queen, etc. Then, we had been given a chance to dance and fool around. So, we danced and played around the dancefloor, clicking our cameras and posing like celebrities. My feet were sore from all the dancing.

9:00 p.m. > The prom king and queen was announced. Steve Chan and April Sy were the prom king and queen. Then, we were given a chance to dance again (plus, picture taking). We had the different types of dance, slow dance + disco + etc. Grace, Karlu, Queenie had been so crazy because we had a crazy dance when it was disco time. Kevin also asked me for a dance. Jane and Kates were also crazy. The lolligirls were. We even did a hide-n-seek at the dancefloor. Our feet were sore from all those dancing and partying around.

11:30 p.m. > We went to K1. We were still crazy. Imagine, gathered in a little room full of crazy people..Woah. We enjoyed singing emo, whatever kind of songs. I only stayed upto midnight since that was my curfew. But the girls continued their partying. Paolo, Jane's boyfriend treated them with SanMig light. They went home at 3 o'clock at Grace's house.

Day 2: 10:30 a.m. > Daph and I had met at Mcdo but separated since I was going to the mall with my mom and she was with patricia.

11:00 a.m. > Daph and I met up at the mall. We waited for the girls to arrive for three hours. Gawd! Haha. Then we had our lunches at Spazio.

3:30 p.m. > We decided to watch Griffin and Phoenix instead of The Messenger. It was a love story and it wasn't as exciting as our orginal plan (to watch a horror movie). But it was okay, just that it wasn't fit for my mood that day.

So, that's all. My bitter-sweet promenade '07. What I learned was not to expect at things and just to relax. Just take the moment as it is and never miss a chance to enjoy every tidbit of the moment. I hope next year will also be a night to remember.

more pictures at: http://yanamarisse.multiply.com

Hearts' month

2007-02-08T02:54:00.000-08:00

It's officially the month of love. Romance everywhere, and the chance of seeing mushy couples that seem to be unbreakable. Oh yes, we are part of the love month- no exceptions. Who says that Valentines will just be for couples?

I was asked with the question myslef, To whom are you planning to spend the v-day with? My answer was simple: To my friends, my family, myslef and my food. Yeah! There's no power like the single's power. As I see it, being single isn't a problem. It has its own advantages. You can spend the whole day with your friends and mingle all you want without feeling guilty about not being with someone, to 'trip' all you can, to spot a hottie without someone watching you, and all. The possibilities are endless.

I agree, sweet it will be when that special someone will bring you flowers, chocolates and other stuff you probably didn't ask for. I just don't get some people. They tend to hate valentine's day because they dont have that special someone in their life. Note: a special someone is not just a boyfriend or a girlfriend. It's everyone who you treasure in your life. But, I understand them. I, myself think about those things. I also get emo when I wonder about those things. The more I think about it, the more it made me realize that I shouldn't hurry. It's not like we're in some kind of contest.

Cupid will be thrilled when there's so much people to be hit on. He's actually looking for pairs to pitch arrows at. Look out.

anticipation about after-prom

2007-02-06T02:48:00.000-08:00

Day two of the practice for the prom- whew! I survived again. I can see that we have made progress because we practiced the last dance already. It was 'nakakahilo' because we had to be in a group of twelve pairs then we would ocassionally turn and be paired with another person. But, I survived the practice with less laugh (atleast).

My mom still didn't allow me to the after-prom gimmik. She still didn't say "yes". Argh! I wish she would trust me when I say i'll be okay on my own. I wish she'd allow me because it's just a sleepover at grace's house. And it would only happen twice in a lifetime. Why won't she believe me when I say that we will all be fine? Or when I say we will all be girls and no boys?

Well, according to Farida she said that my mom won't allow me because my mom thinks that there will be boys. My mom also said that I have lots of boyfriends (??). To be clear, I am not that type of person. Not in my life. Not ever! I may look like I am psyched about Chris Tiu but i'm not like that. Besides Ma'am Dep also told us that it's better to look like a boy-crazy girl than be a demure and silent girl outside but on the inside, ayayay... worse than a boy-crazy girl's mind.

Mister partner

2007-02-05T05:34:00.000-08:00

Today we had our first prom practice with our fourth year partners. I had been guilty of 'over-obsessing' about my partner. I had been guilty for endlessly complaining about the pairing system wishing that I had been paired with someone I like or atleast, someone better. But today, I actually think that the practice was okay.

Why? I just thought of this: Why don't I put my place in his' shoes? What would I feel? Feels like i'm stabbing him on the back. I really feel guilty though, because the whole practice I just kept on laughing. Listening to what others had to say about him, and about how weird he is. I feel so guilty because I myself am teasing him.

I just realized something. It hurts. I'm just too overrated and insensitive. I question myself, is this simplicity? I just made a resolution to be simple and to be friendly to others... And I just broke them in minutes. Believe it or not, I think my partner was okay. He was friendly despite of all the laughs he got. He is a good dancer (that makes me lose calories faster. Haha!).

Maybe outside, he is a nerd, a weird dude who talks about outer space and fungi, but inside, he has feelings like normal human beings. I'm so sorry for those who I have offended, especially Mister partner. I promise to be nice and simpler. Promise. Promise.

culmination

2007-02-05T05:15:00.000-08:00

We just celebrated the culmination week. It was uber-fun seeing funny and familiar faces on stage. The presentations were nice and they really did their best. The different clubs had performed different activities. The one that I liked the most was the 'charming-dodong jan jan' loveteam. They were really funny- especially their names. Haha! The "Mamarkee" presentation was also funny. It was a remake of Wowowee- they had also dancers, but the difference is the Mamarkee dancers were boys. A group called "SohCahToa". I enjoyed the Marisian TV. It was unscripted, but still they managed to make it very funny. Ang galing nila.

The next day was also funfilled although I was considering to be absent for I wasn't feeling well. At morning, we had the acoustic band contest. Different bands performed. From Parokya ni Edmar to Marlouie's band, they were all so funny with the bloopers. That afternoon was the HipHop dance contest, ohmy... They were like in a real, hardcore contest! Haha. They were all superb. Ate Keeshia's won the HipHop dance contest while Antonette and Luigi's group won the acoustic band contest. That same afternoon, Ma'am Jose was planning to have a prom practice, but we all had a boycott. The result? No practice. Yey!

to see videos of the culmination week, click (under 'videos' section'): MY MULTIPLY

Prom, prom, proooom!

2007-02-05T05:14:00.000-08:00

Prom is just weeks away. Two weeks away to be exact. But i'm not excited as I used to be before. Why? Honestly, I think that it won't be a night to remember at all. I admit, I hate this pairing thing. Everyone hates it. Except of course, when you get to be with someone na 'ina-asam-asam nyo..'. For me, I don't want to think about it and I don't want to add my problem with this little dilemma. Anyway, i'm still having fun in the preparations. For me, it's part of the fun. Plus- the practices we are undergoing. It may be tiring, but I can say that I know how to 'ballroom dance, baby!' lol. I guess my prom won't be such a good night but I can assure myself it will be a blast. I can imagine the after prom scene already. My girls are planning for some sleepover at grace's house. We will be swimming in adet's pool, with queenie mercilessly teasing and joking around. We will be strolling around MTS (hopefully) watching the mushy couples at luvapalooza. We will stay awake all night until our eyes will be sore developing huge eyebags. Finally, watching the sunrise at dawn at airport view. Ain't that fun instead of worrying who will be your escort?

I'm afraid of karma- so, I don't want to make a big deal out of it. Maybe it's just an itsy-bitsy bumpy thing in the night. I will enjoy the night. I will. I will and I hope.

changing

2007-01-20T19:26:00.000-08:00

I can't get a grip of my life. I have been trying my best to fix every problem. I'm so sick of my life. It seems like everything is falling out of place. Why can't things be what I want them to be? My eyes are sore from all these crying. I can't take it anymore.

One thing that I learned from all these experience, I learned that I gotta be strong. Eventhough I am in the verge of breaking down, I gotta show them that I'm tough and never give up. I realized that I shouldn't be afraid to admit my mistakes. I am just a human being with imperfections. People shouldn't look down upon me because they have their own set of imperfections too. I am not afraid to take chances anymore. Those recent happenings taught me so much. I am much more independent on myself. There will be no one who you can depend on when you have heavier problems but yourself. And no matter what, I never failed to take time to pray. I know that He has better plans for me than I have for myself.

Promenade

2007-01-05T07:19:00.000-08:00

Ma'am Cindy told us about this year's prom. She even asked us if we wanted to have one. Before, I was really looking forward into attending my first prom. But now, it seems like it has lost its spark. I mean, I am not that excited anymore.

We will be celebrating our prom '07 at the Central Bank. Although, the teachers aren't so sure about the venue. We were surprised because we thought we would only have it at our school. Himala?!

So, it was a good change because it was different. But when Ma'am Cindy discussed about the costs, we started to react. Apparently, having a prom isn't that cheap. It costs much. The attire should be our 'best sunday dress'. But knowing us[the marisians-including myself], we would spend much bread. Sa manicure pa lang siguro at sa pag-make up.

My plans? Nothing in particular. I haven't got a dress yet- I haven't decided wether to buy, or custom-made it. I just want a simple, but elegant and nice facade. I don't even want to expect anything. I just want to have fun and to treasure the moments.

New Year

2007-01-04T07:10:00.000-08:00

Eventhough It's too late, I would like to greet everyone a happy new year!

It was quiet here in Davao last new year's eve. Unlike other cities, fireworks weren't allowed. It was funny how we celebrated new year's eve. I was honking the car, screaming and of course, the famous 'talon-talon' ritual. I had to do it to my belief that it would make me taller.

Evaluation of how I spent my 2006 - I couldn't say anything in particular. All the things that happend to me were bitter-sweet. I admit that last year wasn't that fun at all. Full of regrets, pains, heartbreaks, and all. But, there were also things that I would like to cherish and hopefully, do again. Like playing basketball in a court. That was fun. I wasn't even ashamed eventhough how lame I played even how people look at me in a weird way. If their eyes could talk, they would probably tell me that I didn't fit in the court. Haha! But, alas. I did. I tried various sports. That made me realize that I can do anything if I only have the guts.

I also learned to be simpler than before. Not really the true definition of 'simple', but for me, I think I can survive without camera, without my powder, lipgloss, cheektint, and all.

Most of all, I learned to be stronger. I learned that I shouldn't cry over the littlest things and worry over silly stuffs. Eventhough, I have my fair share of mistakes and bloopers at the start of this year, I can say that I have moved on. I am a lot stronger, wiser and most of all, I am happier than ever. =)

a very merry christmas

2006-12-24T08:27:00.000-08:00

As much as I would like to update, I really can't. I don't have the time and DSL is taking centuries to be activated! Ilang taon ko na rin ina-asam-asam. Anyway, I'll have the real update later this week when the DSL in my cp will be installed. Hopefully.

Wishing all of you a Very Merry CHRIStmas! :)

three more!

2006-12-15T07:42:00.001-08:00

After all the studying, atlast... Three tests to go and I could finally say, "Merry Christmas!". But I still need to study for our AP, Math and CL tests. This day was our English and Chemistry test. I don't know what will be the result of my Chem test. I don't want to think that I failed - I'd rather stay positive. It's christmas anyway. :) The other tests that we have taken were also difficult, so I hope I do get nice scores.

We were so busy this day. Studying for the tests already kept me busy, still there were some pain-in-the-butt that I had to do. It's really a thing that I do before the christmas season - rushing to pass requirements. This day, we had to perform our "Science Magic" to Ma'am Dep. Ours was the 'non-burning dollar bill'. Sheesh! I was so scared (wait, takot naman ako sa lahat diba? Haha.) Unfortunately, Ma'am Dep wasn't amazed at all. She wrote 'poor project' in our written report. Arghhhh! What does she want?! A burning [insert her postion here]'s office? Now that would amaze me. Then, we had to do the "belen" which serves as our C.L. UT. I was in Kimie's group- and I was the shepherd. But Kimie wasn't there, so I just joined in Nina's group.

I was planning to join Fa, Angel and Shawie to the mall and Chimes to buy gifts. But mama didn't allow me. What a life I have! I just hope she would allow me to go to the two christmas parties that I was planning to go. So, the rest of the afternoon I just drooled over the computer. As I checked my mail, I found out that someone had put my yahoo id on their deletion page! I don't know id that was possible, Faj told me it wasn't. But I was checking my id for a million times and still, it won't work. Oh well. I'm really unfortunate.

Please add my new ym id: yanamarisse (Please don't ever try to delete this one. Pretty please.)

Oh so retro!

2006-12-10T17:53:00.001-08:00

Yesterday, we had the last day of foundation ceebration. And of course, every year- wether rain or shine, we perform our assigned dance number. This year, we had to perform 'the Retro'. Honestly, I thought it was better than other dances. Our costumes were quirky and colorful. Eventhough I didn't like the skirt (The red polka-dots) it was an afternoon ful of wacky pictorials and laughtrips.

Then, I headed off to Gmall with my mom and brother (since I wasn't allowed to go with my friends). I wasn't in the mood for anything- I got angry at my mom for not allowing me to go with my friends. When we got at Pancake House, Farida texted me. She said that they were at Watson's. So I told my Mom that my friends are there, she allowed me this time because they were still eating. I got to see Grace and Farida- with all the B's. Haha.

Then, we saw the R.O.B., at their usual tambayan, 'spazio'. They were looking at us in a strange way. Kulang na lang madapa kami ay malanay. But whatever they were trying to tell us, I won;t be affected. I was happy that the R.O.B. stopped their nonsense-tripping. I don't know what Ma'am Espanto told them- I made the right choice to tell her. She was a... Big help? I'm just really happy.

Grounded

2006-12-08T22:30:00.000-08:00

Mama was really mad at me last night. Nah - eventhough she was, I am used to it. She always had those 'sermon session' everytime I go home late. That happens every week.

Yesterday was the first day of the 53rd Foundation day. I got to remember the year anniversary because Tien made this year's logo! Asenso. Honestly, I had no plans of attending the three days. But, Adet texted me that she'll go. Thea and Kayan also kept telling me that they would go. Almost everybody was urging me to go- in different ways! Someone also said that I should go for some reason that I can't say.

But, when I decided to go at school- It was uber boring! The weather was so hot. So Adet, Pam, Queenie and I (Yep, we were the only people present.) decided to go to the mall for lunch. I forgot to text my mom because I was freaking out at this moment. I was running- my heart, my stomach and my brain didn't function well. I was so nervous. The four of us were playing hide-n-seek in the mall! The reason? Whoo. We were playing it with a bunch of epileptics! Kidding.

After lunch- and all the adventures we had at the mall, we went back to school. Ek. Totally wrong choice. We were once again back to boredom. We just wanna go back to the mall and simply chill. So, we decided to make an escape plan (see what the hot weather can do to our brains?). But all our escape plans weren't successful. Good thing at about 2, the school had the 'skill-o-rama' highschool department. Somehow, at this point, we weren't so bored anymore. In fact, nalingaw kami. Then, Grace texted us that she was at the mall with Farida. Eventually, we got back to the mall. And from there- whoo! Biyaya moments again. I was glad that we were back there. We were so lucky to see the 'biyaya's'. We had a great time as usual. And I went home late- as usual! So, my mom had the sermon session. She got mad and told me that I can't go anywhere this saturday (today) and I can't go with my friends at the Lollipop Christmas Party! Goodness. I hope Mama will forget what she said- I need to go to our Lolli Party.

I'm really bored today. BORED. I should've been in the school gym watching the basketball game (Varsity vs. Alumni). Ergh. See? I really like basketball nowadays. Channel 33 (or basketball TV) is now one of my favorite channels. Haha.

Jingle bells anticipation

2006-12-06T02:00:00.000-08:00

School has got me busy! I am loving it. Eventhough there are lots of pressures- UTs, quizzes, projects, and all those requirements, I am still happy knowing that Christmas is nearing. Yay! But before I get too excited, we still have an event coming up this friday. It's the 53rd foundation day. We still have to dance "the Retro" on Sunday. Geessh! I hate our costumes.

Anyway, going back to the topic "Christmas". I do have one wish (Yes, I've got many choices but settled for one.) and that is to be happy. I want to be happy. I don't wish for something that I would later on throw away. I won't wish for my prince anymore- it will just arrive. I won't wish for a body like Beyonce- it will be too impossible. I won't wish for Chris Tiu- it will just make me one of those girls who also have the same wish. See? So, what I am wishing for this Christmas is just simply my own happiness.

Gifts? I also planned to give 'unwrapped' gifts to everyone. To my parents, good grades (i'm really striving hard to get this one!). To my friends, commitment. To Him- and to all the other "Him's" in my life, I wish you good luck- I hope you'll learn a lesson and respect girls. And to myself, my heart- which I don't fully give to myself for the past 15 years of my existence.

Christmas just won't be the same this year. I just know it.

Much Hate

2006-12-04T02:18:00.000-08:00

Boys. I can't figure them out. Why do they have this unending search for girls even if they are in a relationship? I hate boys who do that. They're nothing but two timers. Flirts. I pity their girlfriends. They can't do anything, because they trust their boyfriends. I didn't know that some boys are bound for trouble. Some boys are not only flirts, but liars. Even if the girl is possessive or desperate, It's not their faults- because boys tend to change girls every minute they can. When the cat is away, the mouse will play.

Why can't boys appreciate what they have? If they already have a girlfriend, why ask for more? Real men don't have lots of girlfriends anyway. (From Angel's text message)

Just our lucks

2006-12-01T05:43:00.000-08:00

Kayan and Thea are currently in Cagayan. Thea's older brother, Paolo is a basketball varsity at ADDU. Their team went to Cagayan for "Jam". They played with the ADMU bluea eagles! Mama Mia! Thea and Kayan are so lucky. Kayan texted me awhile ago. She said Chris Tiu is so hot. Jai Reyes is gwapo. Zion Laterre is mabait. And all of them were freakin' hot! Lucky girls. I so envy them. Lol. I'm sure Heaven na Heaven si Kayan.

On the other hand, Grace, Fa, Queenie, Faj, Daphne and I- are still here in Davao, but our minds are in Cagayan. At 2-ish, we met up at Gmall. Then, went to the Davao Convention Center to meet up with Angel since they had a booth there. It was so hot and we weren't in the mood to shop (read: Super hot. As in, "oven hot.") so we decided to go back to Gmall. There, we found lots of B's. Lol. Grace was surely satisfied!

But, the unlucky thing is, there were also devils. Devils lurking. That time, I knew I needed to talk to Ma'am Espanto. I want this "rocking" to end. But, if I would tell it to Ma'am Espanto, maybe it would get worse. Sumusobra na kasi sila. Can't they keep their mouths shut? I need to do something. Even the girls said it theirselves, bastos talaga sila.

Chemistry and Deparine

2006-11-30T01:47:00.000-08:00

Chemistry test is over. I was so nervous - The formulas were jumbled upto my mind. Parts per million, mass solutions, ions, electrolytes and all that. Before Ma'am Dep distributed our testpapers, she managed to tell a joke. Woah. That's her daily habit nowadays.

Looking back at it, I never really knew that I could study that much. All of us, specifically Farida and I had the handa-na-akong-magpakamatay-dahil-di-ko-na-kaya moment. I'm just not so sure of what will be the result - eeeee.

Anyway, I just would like to greet Angeline Nicole Pasia-Espino (Center). Happy 15th Birthday, Tripper! Luv'ya. Mwah.

bad day

2006-11-27T03:34:00.000-08:00

I am so hating this day. I think it's my turn - 'burning fire'. Lol. I'm so in a bad mood today.

Burning Fire # 1: I broke Mama's vintage-slash-expensive mirror.

Burning Fire # 2: I cried two times this day. (With shallow reasons, don't bother to ask.)

Burning Fire # 3: I can't go to Cagayan. Where the ADMU blue eagles team are currently residing.

Burning Fire # 4: I lost my social book and our test is tommorow.

Burning Fire # 5: I don't have any PEHM project: The Retro thing.

Burning Fire # 6: I can't get a grip of my life!

Gusto ko na mag-suicide. Wa. Kung inuulan ka ba naman ng malas!

Tiunami!

2006-11-24T20:16:00.000-08:00

I am soooo inlove with Chris Tiu. Infact, plenty of girls are inlove with him. I like his oh-so-perfect image. He's smart, talented and cute. He's my ideal kind of guy. I remember Epoy saying I have 'high-standards' when it comes to choosing guys.

It's not that I want a perfect guy, because I'm not perfect. I prefer guys with brains - not just brawns. I don't like guys who are overachievers. Just good conversationalists. I also prefer a guy who has a strong faith in God. The one who will teach me to thank God for all that he has given me. I like guys who can make me laugh. I want a guy who accepts me for who I am. Who's patient and understanding to all my needs. He must be romantic - and typically sweeps me off my feet. The one who completes me and the one who really makes me feel special.

Hay, Santa. Nakikita mo sana ito because this is what I want this Christmas.

Why me?

2006-11-24T01:58:00.000-08:00

Why do I put a big deal on it?

Probably because my reputation depends on it. I have a thing to confess: I'm so affected by the issue. I don't really know how to say this, but someone made my reputation so ugly behind my back and I had no idea of it. I just heard it on other people's mouths. The worse thing is, it wasn't a marisian, but a total stranger. He's not even from our school! I dunno why he even dares to spread out my name without knowing me. And why does he even care? I just wanna let it pass.

I hope this oh-so-called 'dilemma' would be okay.

torn

2006-11-20T03:37:00.000-08:00

I'm really sad. I feel alone in my problems. As of now, I really have lots of problem to tackle. Lots of relationship to deal with. And definitely lots of things to fix. I know that posting this entry won't help though. I just am too bothered by lots of stuff.

I guess umandar nanaman ang pagiging pagka-praning ko. I am not good in handling the littlest things. I don't know how to get along with people so well, and I don't even know how to react on difficult and awkward situations anymore. Eventhough I couldn't reveal my dilemma here (because it's much too personal) I would like to say that i'm really torn apart by the present situation. I hope God would help me - or if He won't, I just need Him to make me disappear.