I have been reading a lot of books lately, especially educational books. I'm so sick and tired of reading them, but it's a requirement. I don't know why a very unusual book came across my room. It's a book of written reflections and realizations of a burned-out survivor, 'When God tells you to rest'. Since I was feeling bored and tired, I checked it out. What I didn't know is that, I am a burned-out patient myself.

There are symptoms of being burned-out. Feeling tired, depressed and giving up- are examples. I feel those symptoms each and every day. It's summer, but I'm not having fun. I still have five books to study! Sometimes, I just want to give up and ask myself why the hell am I doing those things. These past few days, I have wondered how easy it is for other people to be on top, and how hard it is for me to get there. I'm feeling so dumb that I can't accomplish anything. That everything I do, isn't worth doing.



I am sorry to turn this post into a bundle of complaints and drama. It's just that I've been somewhat traumatuzed of a particular incident that happened recently. It made me feel so stupid. I felt so angry at myself because of that. They thought that I would do better. But I failed to show them my best. That's why I'm feeling down. I have the feeling of losing everything I earned. Burned-out.

The author of the book is Flor Ulan-Taylor. I think she's like Julia Campbell, because she's a volunteer and has stayed in the Philippines. She says, 'I have thought that taking refugee is hiding from all my problems. But I have found the real refugee in God.'

Sigh. I hope someday I can get something from all of these sacrifices I have to do.

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