No, there's no need for you to read this. No, there's nothing to be afraid of. In fact, I was not diagnosed with Bipolar-what-you-call-it. It's not even serious and maybe, I am just living a normal teenage love-hate life.

Can you keep a secret? I am binging on food. Yes, I binge eat but I don't throw it up. I do this because food makes me feel secure. I have been indulging sweets and other whatsits since I experienced my biggest failure.

See, I have two sides. Sometimes I get happy, giddy and free. I make the most out of life knowing that I am the Queen of the world and no one can stop me. But then, when I look back, I feel this inevitable pain in me. I feel so insecure that sometimes, I wished for my own death. I would do such things to myself and I would cry out for every stupid thing I did. I kept on asking myself if I was good enough for my family, my friends. I turn into an ugly monster. It's like I was squeezed and pressured to get into this little box.

Yes, a classmate may have jokingly suggested it to me. Yes, I may have become paranoid when I knew this 'disease'. Yes, I may believe every little thing others say about me. Yes, I know that I should not get it to me, choking me like a toxic, but I know for sure that I am judged by what I do, and that through every judgement, I find myself.

Being a (pretend) Bipolar has taught me a lot. It has taught me that one's ego is controlled by one's self.